It's also hard not to feel sorry for the W. My wounds are still very fresh, and it is still very hard for me to hear her cry. I have slipped up everytime and said "don't worry babe, everything will be fine". My heart jumps after I realize what I said, and then I get mad at myself. It's just so frustrating not being able to express my feelings to her.
Aye, old habits die hard.
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The ironic thing, is that I probably didn't do it enough before this. Now, those feelings continue to just pop into my head when I see her on Skype or talk to her on the phone. I have been doing a decent job of boxing those feelings away, but it takes its toll on you. I try to contiually remind myself that I did not make this decision. These are her wishes. Put one foot in front of the other, and prepare myself for a future without her.
Sometimes this goes well, and sometimes I just break down and don't want to think about it. Things are going to be so different from here on out, and that is a little scary. I just tell myself that this will be an opportunity for me to be great father. I will be doing it on my own, but that should make it that much more rewarding. I will be able to take care of the rest of my life on the week I don't have them, and be super dad on the week I do.
It's just that the future, the unknown, is scary. When you think about the future and don't have any clear idea of the path that you are on, it can be down right frightening. I haven't had that feeling in a long time. Since getting married, and starting a family, I kind of always knew what my path was, and what my goals were. Now that path is covered with leaves, and I have to find some new goals.
I will do this, I will find my new path, and I will forge these new goals with only myself and kids in mind. Is it scary? Yes. Can I do it? Hell yes!
PH....those are my two main focus points right now! I also stumbled across the Serenity Prayer and have sense printed it out and taped it to my monitor.
I just hope people do not think that I am a recovering alcholic or drug addict! I will have to let them know that I am just a recovering DB'er:)
Me:33 W: 31 M: 8 T: 13 S: 6 D: 8 months The Bomb 7/22/10 "I can't do this anymore, I'm done" http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2048765&page=1
Well, I have just finished up my parenting plan and sent it off to the wife for review.
Not much really going on in my sitch. It appears to be progressing towards divorce, and I am letting it go. I have continued concentrating on myself through out this process.
I am able to talk to my son on the phone and see him and my daughter on Skype, so I don't have any complaints there. Communication between my wife and I has dropped off signifigantly, and really do not know what to do about that other then let it take its course.
I am no longer in denial, and am continuing to take the days as they come. I wish I had more, but there really isn't much more to say. Take care and I will continue to post updates as they come in!
D&C
Me:33 W: 31 M: 8 T: 13 S: 6 D: 8 months The Bomb 7/22/10 "I can't do this anymore, I'm done" http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2048765&page=1
