I didn't want him to EVER tell me I got in the way of seeing her.
He won't be seeing her for...what, another year?
He was in tears.
If anything, maybe it worked on his guilt, no?
He lost the right to you inviting him to see her when he cheated and decided to split... He's not supporting you emotionally, physically, or financially right now... so he has a right to absolutely ZERO until he does.
Did it ever occur to you that telling him "NO, you can't see her" might just make him realize you aern't gonna put up with his crap and there's some consequences to his choices?
That's the one thing i am NOT reading here are any consequences... He gets pats on the back, alone time with a daughter he's not supporting financially, and he doens't even have to see you.... People are making it so easy for him to walk out
And yes I know your F's choices were not teh ones you wanted... Not blaming here. I want you to realize from his end why he's leaving... its EASY for him.
Guilt at leaving his daughter? Sure he feels guilty... if he was DENIED access without you being there and had to opt OUT he would feel even MORE guilty AND he would feel like a first class a$$.
He thinks what he's doing is OK... He feels BAD, but he's morally OK with it... When you stand UP to him you show him you don't AGREE iwth that.. You stand up to HIM, you stand up to the AFFAIR
When you support HIM during his affair, you support the AFFAIR
In short, it just enables him.
Yes, he feels guilt, he would have felt more guilt if YOU stood up to him too and told him it would hurt YOU MORE to have to deal with him at all and tell him to leave.
I want you out of the country. I don't want you near me or our daughter... you are abusive and selfish and I don't want that near either of us.
You can't see either of us... We don't want exposed to someone this selfish and cruel.
THAT is going to make him feel a hell of a lot worse than you giving him access in private... THAT statement will resonate with him for a YEAR if that's the last thing he hears from you... THAT is what you WANT.
Puppy DT has said this a thousand times, but it isn't said enough. Respect is a key ingredient in fighting an affair.
He isn't going to stop cheating on you until he respects you.
And no one respects a doormat. He is treating you like a doormat and you are allowing it with language and actions right now... He would leave anyways but you can stand UP for your MARRIAGE at EACH CHANCE you HAVE in EACH interaction... to get a consistent message across about BOUNDARIES
