My h has turned around...again. He called me Wednesday night just to chat about his day...I felt so loved! He's filling my love tank!!!
Then he calls me Thursday night to ask me over to hang out ...so I bring him some Christmas dinner. He calls again right before I leave to ask if I'm bringing an over night bag so I say ok. We make the most amazing love. Then he (Ohmygawd!!!) cuddles with me afterwards, holds me tight.
Wow, what a Christmas present!
I left him a short note to say I was grateful that he was showing his love for me by calling me and cuddling. Gosh, I pray this lasts this time!
Thanks for all of your encouragement, Holdingon, Flying Free, and RMC.
Cindy, How perceptive of you! Worse yet, I'm driving myself batty with my insecurities. That's why I think I've made it to this point of wanting to let go a bit. I'm not as sure as you that he wants me back. I guess I thought if you loved someone you showed them you did. He holds back way too much-how could I not have insecurites about such a relationship? My task, seeing as how I hvae no control over his actions is to take care of myself, and stop waiting for him to rescue my weary feelings of being unloved. Problem is that it's laways been so black and white for me. No gray areas-either/or. I supppose the thing to do is still show him I love him but like you said, "get a life!" My life has always been him and our family and it's been extremely hard for me to move away from that frame of thinking. I realize now I have to for my M nad mainly for ME. I've been so afraid since this all happened, like my life would be nothing without him. It's be over. I know it's no way to think, but that's been the way it is. I've lived in fear and anxiety for over two yrs. It's time for a serious change on my part. Time for me to grow as a person separate from him. I can do this, I can do this, I can do this!! Rachael
((((((((CINDY!)))))))))) What a wonderful Xmas for you! It would certainly seem your H is moving with you towards your goal. How could this man not want such a wonderful woman such as you?? Whatever your doing is working, so keep it up. You give me good advise, so it would seem you are following it yourself. Cuddling!! Isn't that just the best feeling ever? You've rolled very well with the punches, and landed on your feet every time. Your H sees one special lady that is worth holding on to. Now you've dogone gone and done it- Given me hope again! I'm so happy for you Cindy. You deserve all this and so much more, which by the way,I think will be forthcoming. Thanks for all your support and honesty. It helps me so much more than you know. Don't forget to find time to come here and post to us! JK!! Rachael
I struggle every other day just about with the thought that my h may not come back. We've been at this spot before...the only difference is is that he's in counseling, individual counseling to boot!
Like you I believed that my life would be over if my h goes through with the d. I sometimes still think that. But this feeling is not so overpowering since I have a life apart from my h now. That is what you need. I'm making friends, having fun, getting a lot of me time and I really enjoy it. I recommend you start right away...getting this life. Having a me focus will help you immensely in dealing with your h.
I can't say that I don't struggle with wanting to spy on my h...occassionally I still snoop but the need to do it no longer drives me every waking moment. This will happen for you too once you go out and start enjoying yourself.
it's like that Reba McEntire song "How was I to know"....in it a woman finds out how strong she really is when her h leaves, she amazes herself and finds that the world didn't stop turning because he left.
You can be this person! So what are you planning to do for New Year's Eve? Tell me your plans. Let's plan together so we can have something to look forward to beside wondering what our h's are doing.
Quote: Your H sees one special lady that is worth holding on to.
and
Quote: How could this man not want such a wonderful woman such as you??
I needed to hear this especially when I think that my h did go out and date other women. That really was a punch below the belt! But I'm on my feet again and going back into the fight. It's fun going out with the gals...and seeing the look on men's faces when I'm all dolled up...big boost that! (oop maybe that is what h was looking for when he though I didn't want him? )
Cindy, I see your up late too. I'm unwinding after a funfilled famly day. Things went well and H and I made passionate love. I don't know Cindy, sometimes I think we are so close and then somedays I'm so stressed thinking will he ever come home?? My goal is to detach from thinking about this ALL THE TIME. My goal is to "get a life" as you said. This can only serve to help me grow as a person, and mkae me allthe more attractive. I do go out with my BF and we get hit on quite often. A real ego booster which is nice when you feel so much rejection. The difference is I don't act on it! I don't take the bait. I'm hoping I'llbe with H New Years Eve, and that he'll stay with me. I did talk to him about stayingover more and he agreed it would be a good thing. He thinks our S does not want him to, so that plays into it alot. S is getting better about excepting our R. It will take him a long time to trust his father again. I know H feels very guilty about that. Cindy you and your H are taking baby steps in the right direction. Like I said before-I'm not sure what the heck your doing,but keep doing it! It's working!! And....YOU ARE AWESOME! Don't forget that-ever. Rachael
Got a question...How do I go about building a new r with my h? I'm at the point where I don't know how to behave, what to say, where to go, etc. Should I just jump on in and treat him and behave like I want the new r to be?
And does anyone have any suggestions for how to set goals for this new r? I mean what would it look like?
I need help on this cause as I'm trying to turn my behavior into the opposite of what it was....like once I always let him initiate sex, now I attack, once I used to always talk away, now I attempt to draw him into the conversation, waiting patiently for him to answer, etc.
Well Cindy I'm not in much of a position to give adviseon this subject since I'm pretty much in the same boat, but I'll be watching to see what adviseor friends give.
I'm glad your PMA seems to be up today. Your wanting to really work it out?
I knew you weren't as hard as you tried to let on! Rachael
...so I bring him some Christmas dinner. He calls again right before I leave to ask if I'm bringing an over night bag 
so I say ok. We make the most amazing love. Then he (Ohmygawd!!!) cuddles with me afterwards, holds me tight. 
