Merry Xmas! Another year almost past. I've thought the last 2 yrs that this one would be different-things would be better. I'm not sure they are. Xmas Eve he said he was going shopping for something-hinting it was for me. He had already been shopping for me twice. He was alone and said he was just pulling into the mall. Something kept telling me to call him, so I tried. No answer. I tried several times and still no answer. My mind was wandering, telling me that he was with "her." Having some kind of private Xmas thing. It was dring me to distraction, and I started driving to his apt.to see if maybe they were there. OBSESSING! About 50 min. after the first time I tried to call him, he called me back all bubbly saying "I see you tried to call me." I could NOT hide the suspicion I had. I asked WHY he did not have his cell phone with him. He said he left it in the car. I asked him WHY he would do that. He said his battery was dead and heleft it in there to charge. Hmmm. Could be true. Could be a lie too. It wouldn't be the first time. He always used to get defensive and angry when I'd accuse him before I actually know about the A. You know-the guilt trip they try and lay on you for even thinking that they'd be cheating when they are in actuallity and are lying through their teeth. I can't say he is, but his actions don't help, by this I mean his mean comments and anger at me. I told him my mind started wandering and I got scared. I asked him if he understood how I would feel that way. He said yes, he could but his actions were that of anger. I told him that I was sorry and that I was trying very hard to trust him, but that it's going to take time and alot of effort on my part. I told him it was Xmas Eve and I did not want to spend it angry at one another. He pretty much had an attitude all evening-he was pretty cold to me. When we got ready to leave his Mother's I asked him if he was still comimg to spend the night. He hesitated and he could have gone either way, but he chose to come over. Now he was not real enthused about this from the beginning, meaning he was not showing me with his actions that he wanted to be with me. I think something in me snapped. I am to a point where I don' want to pursue him anymore. I need some space from him and I hope I don't worry hat he will run to the OW if I back off. I don't think I will. That's the thing! I need to get to the point where I'm showing him with MY actions that I won't put myself in a position to be treated less than what I need! His lack of affection and caring is reaaly starting to turn me off. I want our M, but I'm not feeling him put forth much effort in this. I'm walking on aggshells, trying to please him and he's certainly not trying to show me how much he wants us. The balance is way off here,and I need to turn things around by my acions. That being me not taking be treated any less than how I need to be treated. Am I wrong in my thinking?
