I know I let him draw me back in to his drama through this waiver thing. He is attempting to manipulate me through his anger. We really didn't fight often, but I was the peacemaker 90% of the time. I just loved him too much to be mad and stay mad.
I do realize there are mistakes that I made: becoming complaicent, taking for granted that I wasn't doing enough to make him feel like a man regardless of his problems. I think back now to times he asked me to sit by him on the couch and I was too busy doing something else. Things I took for granted. As the drinking became worse, the more I pulled away.
I have no idea where this will lead. Two of his emails are sitting in the trash bin in this computer, and I have been tempted to read them, but resist, as I know it will do no good.
I had a long talk with a good friend last night. Actually, the one who wanted to be more than friends. His point to me was that H has moved on and I won't accept it until he says it to my face. That I should arrange this meeting and have him say it and get it over with. He doesn't understand that it wouldn't change my feelings at all. There would be no closure, only pain.
I'm hanging in there. What else can I do. I expect repercussions that I didn't sign the waiver. I just have to wait and see.
