Oh Wow piano! I'm sorry you are going through this Try to think of the present moment...right here, right now. Rather than the future, like months from now, next week, tomorrow. It does help you not to feel so scared and alone. Make sure that you take care ofyoursaelf too! The trip you are planning sounds like fun! No matter how things turn out, as no one knows what the future holds, one day you will be HAPPY once again! 100% Happy with every apecT of your life! That's for sure!
I can't tell you how many times, I've started to post something in the past dew days, and just feel like I don't know what to write and get upset then say I'll write tomorrow.
I do think that you H showing feeling and emotion and yes GUILT is sooo very important! He is finally looking past himself to ackbowledge that you and your feeling count! I think he is finally starting to feel the repurcussions of his actions. I do aree with everyone in that NC is the most powerful tool you have right now. When he contacts you to ask about bub, this is your moment to shine! Don't sound needy or sad, show him how happy you and bub are!!!! Show him that you can and will and are surviving and are happy with bub. Let him miss something wonderful. This is when you can share a great story of your bub smiling, or your fun moments, etc. He will miss you both even more. When we cry or are sad or exhude insecurities or hatred or lonliness, they want to stay away, and will just withdraw back into their alien state or spaceship! NC is pretty much doing the same.
As har as it is for you, maybe its a good thing for H to return to where you both once shared a life so that he can miss what you had and feel the loss. Hopefully he will feel triggers of emotions, like me & P once went to dinner there, or wouldn't that be a great place to take bub on a nice day, or even when he sees a father and a young child together... And believe me they will start popping up everywhere for him to see, maybe they will pull some of his heartstrings and create a lonliness or want to be around you and your girl. Doesn't MWD say when their is OP and the WAS begins to live life with the OP, the affair/relationship loses it fizz? And imagine how lucky the OW is when she is living w him and he is missing his W and bub. He will!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, NC is not only going to give him a taste of the life he thinks he wants, but it wiL help you detach and be stronger! It will help you heal. Try to look at this NC period as healing time, therapy time for you. Don't think about the logistics or timeline or anything involving the two of you. Things can change so drastically, and so quickly, and a year from now you may look back and know that NC was key in your life.
I know you can do it! You are strong! I have all the faith in you! And besides, Gatsby is really putting you to the challenge! Lol! And lean on the NCers like G (def not me) and ask for tips or advice or simply stregnth to continue NC. It is your biggest tool and your best 180 right now!
No matter how this all unfolds you will be happier, feel content and be grateful for all of this craziness as it wil be bring you to the next step! It can only get better from here!
Try to think of the present moment...right here, right now. Rather than the future, like months from now, next week, tomorrow. It does help you not to feel so scared and alone. Make sure that you take care ofyoursaelf too! The trip you are planning sounds like fun! No matter how things turn out, as no one knows what the future holds, one day you will be HAPPY once again! 100% Happy with every apecT of your life! That's for sure! 
