I like your statement. Sounds like recognizing some of your contributions to the problems, taking responsibility and showing remorse, without a hint of groveling.
for days, i was asking coach to review my statement. nothing. sigh.
thanks for reviewing my statement. i really put thought into that statement. it took a while for me to get started because i didn't know how long it should be and what it should cover. but in the end, i think it covers almost everything. the truth of the matter is .. i didn't discuss with my h what was important for us. i made that decision for us and just went ahead with the plans. when i put everything together, that's what it all boils down to. i put emphasis on certain things because i thought it was best for us. and i would sacrifice our quality time and intimate time. that's why my h says intimacy wasn't a priority or a passion of mine.
i totally ruined our sex life because i felt that having children was "what's best for us". so in my mind, sex only took place around the fertile time. and lots of it. did that make sex great? no but i didn't see it that way. it was so mechanical. and then i would get upset when we failed to get pregnant. but at the same time, i thought .. you're getting lots of sex, what are you complaining about? i know now .. that there IS a difference. sex isn't great when its purpose is for pro-creation. even if it's lots of sex. baby sex is not good for the man.
and there are other examples of similar things. this is just one of the standout examples. and i know it bothered my h.
i think he is disappointed in me that i became this way. almost a non-loving wife who was trying to create the illusion of a perfect marriage. and totally ignoring the man's needs. not what he wanted to marry. not who he fell in love with.
so instead of talking about this specific thing, i mentioned that my plan for us made me a totally different person. and i didn't like who that person was either. i admit, i was trying to follow the trend. you see everybody settling down, having kids .. who says that was right for us?
he was patient with me. and i completely missed the mark. it is no wonder he fell out of love with me.
all of the other things that he mentioned why we were different and i brushed them aside as 'excuses'. well, there was some truth to it. again, i didn't factor those in my 'what's best for us' plans. i ignored his needs.
i own up to my part in the breakdown of our marriage.
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I also wonder if there is a way to work in that not only have you rediscovered who you were, but you are even better now because you have grown and learned from this experience.
it's a thought. but i tried to steer away from that because usually you don't talk about the changes you made to yourself. you let it show through your actions. so i should let my actions speak for themselves?
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What is the hurt that you cover up with contempt for your H?
deep down, i'm hurt that he confided in his mother and not me. i'm hurt that he sided with his mother and not me. of course, i'm still thinking that i only tried to do what was best for him. i can't change this overnight.
contempt is bad. it's one of the four horsemen.
thanks for your input, dudess. i waited a long time for feedback. and this wasn't one of my crazy posts too!
