IB, you asked on my thread about anger. You said that you havent been able to get angry. I struggled with that for a long time. I was sad, and a whole lot of other things, but I couldnt for a long time, feel anger.
Part of that was because I blamed myself for everything. I believed that things my h told me. It wasnt until I started growing me back that I began to realize that while there were things I contributed to the breakdown of the marriage, and I took ownership of those, my h also played a part.
I know that I cannot control or change his parts, but I can control and change mine. And that is what I began to do. I looked inward, boy did I look inward and sometimes I didnt like what I saw. Those are the things I worked on and continue to work on.
When you stop blaming yourself, that is when you will stop feeling discarded. You begin to realize that you had faults, but you did the best you could. And you really must forgive yourself.
The anger will come. Some have it in large amounts. Some not so much. I used my anger to propel me forward on my journey. I began to realize that the anger didnt serve me. I sapped my energy, it weighed me down. It didnt change anything.
As I continued working through the process, I saw more and more that anger was getting in the way of where I wanted to be. I accepted that my h did things that were hurtful. I remembered who he used to be. And slowly, I forgave him. I prayed for him. I wished him well. As I did, I began to feel at peace.
It is through compassion and acceptance that one gets to unconditional love.
So, this is all a process. It will unfold as it should. You just keep working on you. That's where your focus needs to be. Use your feelings to take you to the next step.
You cant rush this. It takes as long as it takes. Be kind to yourself.
