Yes...I HAVE seen folks recommend "I'm sorry you feel that way".... But it accomplishes the opposite goal.
I think the fear some folks have is that if they 'validate' they are agreeing and that's not the same thing. So that's why they recommend the above sentence.
I've also seen 'just agree'. Well that's crap, you can't really do that well.....and that makes you stuck.
But you have an infinite number of options in between.
You want to present an 'agreeing' countenance.....because you want to love them, you want to really listen.....you want to be 'open' to agreeing or whatever. That's the validating....you are making your beloved FEEL their value.
Keeping your opinion out of it...is exactly right, pinhead.
Now saying things that sound more similar to "I'm sorry you are experiencing such pain", are supportive, SORT of validating, but they kind of put an end to the conversation. And that's NOT what you want to do when you're validating. You want them to say as much as they want to say.
Now ....when you are LISTENING
More than the words...and DO listen to the words....but have your shield on. Listen for ways to improve....but don't take every negative comment ON yourself. You are hearing their experience, but it doesn't mean you have to absorb it into your being and feel terrible. You shouldn't.
I digressed....more than the words.....watch the body language. Don't take each one separately but pay attention to the combination of them. Most of communication is nonverbal. If you're getting it on the phone...listen to the tone.
Pay attention to your OWN body language. You can 'say' things that tell them to continue talking or that you are really open, but if your arms are crossed and you aren't freezing....that speaks louder than your words.
Validating is how you handle an OR talk when you're stuck with having it. Consider the information they give you very valuable as far as your DBing. If you aren't ready to do this, avoid the OR talks.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
