Still trying to find my way

[Mystik]

Today sucked. It started out rough by me knowing that H and Whore were going to be playing happy family with my son at the local fair. When H picked up DS he had Whore's brat with him. I just sent DS to his car and went into work.

Had therapy, we talked about the money thing, she said that the money for DS's co-pays and daycare is separate from divorce and should be handled through family court. So I'm going to pursue that route.

When H dropped off DS the first thing he asked me was what my terms were. I replied that I didn't have any yet because I had never planned on filing. He asked if I expected we were just going to live separate lives and never divorce, then asked what my plans were. I replied I'm just trying to get through each day, I can't plan any further than that. So H asked if I still had hopes we would work things out and I nodded my head, he said I need to give that up and I told him no, that I will always have that hope. He said that all I'm doing is hurting him, hurting myself more than I have to and creating animosity. He said that this past weekend he and Whore moved things around in the apartment so now he's in the same room as his pregnant girlfriend. I asked him why he was telling me that when he knew it would hurt me. He said that I need to hear hurtful things so I'll let go and move on, and that all I'm doing is hurting him. I retorted that he's hurting me. By this point I was crying, not sobs but tears were streaming so he backed off. I sobbed the whole way home and now, here I am.