Was a good session at the c today. He congratulated me on my work with my h. He said I am doing really well in not reacting to h, validating, listening, etc. Here's some things I came away with:
1. Don't ask about women at his work. (there is only room for ONE man and ONE woman in this relationship. Plus mentioning the women at his work only gets him to wondering about the men at my work. A circular pattern that needs to be broken!) 2. Keep the conversation light....focus on non-couple activity topics (ie., ask about visiting Greece, don't say if YOU and I go to blah-blah, visits we made together in the past are ok though). 3. Dates should be centered around an activity in order to eliminate face to face dinners that may lead to r talks. 4. Sex toys may be a result of 2 things: empty love tank (no words of affirmation) and too much free time. Devil playing havoc with his mind and leading it down pervert roads. 5. As for me spending the night during Christmas holidays, should phrase the question in such a way as to get him to reveal what he is thinking and feeling (ie., H, I was wanting to stay the night and was wondering if it would effect the kids if I stay?) Try to ask open ended questions to get him to reveal feelings. 6. Every week, ask h what 3 things I can do for him that would help him feel loved by me. (Attempt to fill the love tank according to the 5 Love Languages Book.) 7. Do not react to his tone of voice, hurtful comments, and/or lack of return calls. 8. Don't expect anything. Only do things for him because it is my choice to love. 9. Continue to fine tune listening skills by repeating back to him what he said (ie., from what you just said I understand that you want blah,blah). Take notes if necessary. Put into practice his requests. Ask for feedback as to how I'm doing. 10. STart words of affirmation. Show appreciation for what he does (h mentioned to c that I did call to thank him for our last date!). 11. C said doesn't know why h would not ask me to big party on Dec 27. I said me neither I'm a sure thing! C said yes he's sure to score is what h is thinking!
More to follow later....I have to call h. I decided to stop leaving him voicemails so that I won't get into the habit of expecting him to return my calls. Only leads to me getting hurt when he doesn't so I'm going to eliminate that today!
