So I'm wondering if you buckled and decided to call Mr. A about his first day at work, or did he call you to share. Much better if he called you!
I get the whole "jumping back in the sack with the X" thing. I'm guilty of it as well. Mine just happened to occur almost 2 years since the last time, so I'm not sure if it was because of my WAS or just BECAUSE it had been 2 years!!! Either way, I don't regret it at all.
So let's talk a little Maize and Blue - how long does Richy Boy last if we lose to the UCONN Huskies on September 4th. I have never rooted against my Michigan boys, but let me tell you if it showed Rodriguez the door right now, I might just decide to do the Husky Howl!
BA, you're gonna make me study this season - and I love it! I haven't even looked at the schedule yet!!!
Trying to ward off the beginning of the school year, I guess, because that's when my job gets CRAZYYYYYYY!
But my uninformed opinion at the moment is that Brandon will FIRE Rich Rod's ass WITHOUT HESITATION if the team doesn't show this season. Question is, what do we mean by "show"?
Let me educate myself over the next couple days and get back to you with a less BS-y response.
Meantime, I love pro football too and am thinking of starting a fantasy league this year. Y'all's thoughts? Anybody played fantasy before?
P.S. That used to be Mr. A's thing and now I can make it MINE!!
Yes, I go back and forth with my feelings about mine, and I think back to things that started in 1998 when Mr. A and I first met. In fact, sometimes I think about things that I know happened even before then!
If I want to cast xMIL in the absolute worst possible light, then I use stories about Mr. A's (estranged) brother as examples. Until xBIL was about 33, he used to hand his paychecks over to xMIL and she would pay his bills and then give him an allowance. That is textbook enmeshment.
I love xBIL. I actually miss him a lot. He got the brunt of xMIL's crazy moments, and I got the second brunt. xH got a lot of ego-stroking from xMIL, mixed in with a lot of gross attachment issues and impossible demands and expectations.
And right back at me, because Mr. A would have plenty to say about MY family dynamics!
But all attempts at equanimity aside, I still keep coming back to the fact that xMIL PROMISED ME (verbally) that she would NOT help Mr. A divorce me and then she paid for the whole thing. (And I have good reason to believe that she found the ridiculous lawyer, too.) And then I remember that people change as situations change - as in, xMIL changed her tune when she saw that time had passed and Mr. A had not come back to me. And then I further remember that Mr. A has a really weak spot when it comes to his mama and he will do ANYTHING to get her to shut up and stop asking him questions. And she knows this and therefore rides him incessantly when something is important to her. And more than anything, xMIL HATES having gray areas in her life (though she inadvertently invites them in). For example, she HATES having a son who is separated as opposed to having a son who is either married or divorced.
So a part of me thinks that xMIL did regarding our divorce exactly what she did before we were married: try to convince, cajole, bribe, and trick us into doing it on her schedule.
[This is a true fact about xMIL, though I read it over and it sounds like I'm making excuses for Mr. A!]
But ultimately, our divorce - like our marriage - was Mr. A's (and my) choice, and input from others was tangential.
Anyway, I don't know what to think about xMIL. I am more concerned with Mr. A. I'm right back on that rollercoaster, but it's different this time. Now I've really lost patience with him and I'm sick of his BS!!!!!!!!!
P.S. But I do still feel like I was particularly hard on her at a lot of times that I could have been generous with my judgments.
Just had an unrelated thought that I want to journal before I go to bed:
If Mr. A's biggest complaint about our marriage is that we stopped having sex frequently enough for his taste, then why is he now saying that I want sex too much?
Oh, wait, I know - because NOTHING I DO IS EVER GOOD ENOUGH!!!
And this is where I tell him to f* off.
P.S. This all happened the last time we saw each other, and obviously I'm pissed about it.
Mr. A SHOULD NOT be telling you that you want "sex too much." Because Mrs. A will no longer be pursuing the sex with Mr. A. If he calls and you think you want to, fine. But have you been calling him and asking for it?
And yeah...you don't need to kiss his ass or do anything you don't feel like or try to prove your changes to him. Once y'all are divorced, this is where being kind of mean and treating him badly will (in a sick messed up way) make him want you again! You can "take him or leave him" right?
And you forgot to reply to my message to you on FB!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Hey Mrs. A. Yes you better brush up on the season's schedule! Do you know what I would do to be able to work and live near the "Big House"!!!! I am so envious of you!
As for Mr. A first complaining he wasn't getting enough and now complaining that you want it too much - well it's because he has to convince himself and everyone around him (especically you!)why he wanted to leave the marriage. He can't acknowledge it was good because then it would invalidate his actions.
BA
P.S. I didn't know you were in the alt - I am too.
BA, at this time of year, looking forward to football is my ONLY source of comfort. Tell me when you're in Michigan and we'll catch a Big House game together for sure. I do love Michigan football!
NM, I'm getting on the alt as soon as I finish journaling this. And I have NOT initiated things with Mr. A, but I have responded to his advances. He confused the hell out of me the other night: he "broke in" to the house and then seemed disappointed when I didn't refuse his advances. Oh well, he's totally crazy....
But I feel yucky about something tonight. I definitely wasn't expecting Mr. A to call, but he did. I was watching Top Chef and I have the kind of cable where a person's phone number shows up on the TV screen when they're calling.
So Mr. A called at 10:15. I saw on the TV and didn't answer. Then he called back again right away. The last time he did this, he subsequently "broke in" to the house. So I didn't answer again, but he left a message. He just wanted to tell me about how his new job is going.
I waited as long as I could stand and then listened to the VM and immediately called him back - got his VM, of course. I did leave a message that I was happy his job was going so well. I was calm, cool, and collected. I did NOT request a callback - didn't even invite it.
BUT - I don't like this whole exchange. I vowed to myself over the time that has passed since Mr. A left that I would never get into another blocking pattern with anyone I care about. I mean anyone! Blocking serves no purpose. Blocking only hurts, whether you're blocking your lover or your coworker or your golf partner. So I don't want to do that anymore.
But here Mr. A and I are back in the pattern of blocking each other. He calls me with genuine enthusiasm and I don't respond. I call him back and he doesn't respond. Barf. Been there, done that.
Anybody have any alternative viewpoints? I can't change the fact that I didn't pick up Mr. A's call tonight, but I CAN work hard to think of a better way to act (and an appropriate way to address tonight's behavior) if/when we talk again.
Advice on this topic is much appreciated.!!!!!!!!!
Mrs. A--you just taught me the definition of "blocking!" I haven't heard that before.
Well, this is just a brainstorm but to break the pattern you could 1) answer when he calls, not let it go to voicemail. However, this may result where he stops calling. Because he might like the chase. It would be an experiment...
2)wait 48 before calling him back. Obviously you couldn't do that every time because it would be too noticeable that you are purposely doing it. BUt maybe 48 hours the first time,12 hours, then 28, etc.
3)randomly (without planning it) call him back or ignore. 4)just never answer. 100% let it go to voicemail. This might go on for several days and he will show up at your house.
What do you think? Again, these are not ALL of the options but just some ideas...
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
NM, I guess if I had to give a true definition of blocking, I would say it like this:
Knowing that somebody is happy about something and recognizing that they are bothering to share it with you, but deciding not to be happy for/with them.
It's a terrible way to treat a person, but Mr. A and I still do it to each other.
