I was just reading my journal that I have kept since April. Just looking how I have progressed as well as how W has changed her behavior over time.
It is strange that if I did not read it I would remember only fraction of what has happened. I always thought that keeping a diary was a silly female thing.
When W dropped a bomb she was angry resentful miserable b**** who disappeared every single day including weekends for over 3 months in a row. She never offered any explanations other than “We are not a couple anymore, so I can do what I want”. She neglected our dogs, stopped talking to family and if for some reason she was home, she just yelled and blamed me for her misery.
Although nothing has fundamentally changed yet, since I took a surprise vacation in the beginning of July a lot has actually changed. Although everything has been baby steps, the changes are evident.
She was very interested where I went and with whom. She even speculated to one of my friends that I must have an A. I picked a location that really got to her nerves. A place in Europe that we always talked about visiting but never did.
So for a last month, she has been home much more often, we have gone out to dinners numerous times and she has cooked at home (something that she completely stopped doing). We’ve had enjoyable weekends when she did not drink and get belligerent. I know Gucci yelled at me for allowing her to control one of those weekends, but I took it at face value.
Now, I know that I am not at all out of the woods, but a strange though came to my mind. Cloves off all the anti mind reading crowd – that’s why I am here to hear what you have to say.
What if she did her own 180 to seriously catch my attention? What if she is waiting for me to react in certain way. Obviously I have reacted and probably not the way she thought I would.
But the question is – am I doing a right thing of further distancing myself and appearing as that I don’t care. She has been nagging me about my decision but I am no longer certain what she really wants to hear. I know that the decision has to be made. I either have to tell her that I’m ready to move out or tell her that I could buy the house from her and that she is not fit to keep our dogs which will stay with me. The latter requires for me to be very stern and borderline mean. I could make it less mean by offering a legal contract where I would resume paying her mortgage for certain duration after which I either buy the house or sell it in her behalf.
This is my main issue right now and it’s bugging me day and night. I don’t deserve to be stripped from my “family” and the house I have invested in for 10 years. Simply handing it over to her in hopes of reconciliation may be totally wrong thing to do. Of course she could refuse my alternate offers and we will end up in court. There are laws and judges sympathetic to cohabitants tha have shared their lives the same as married couples.
