You can't have everything, where would you put it?

[ClingingToHope]

Yes. Kerry. She is a pretty good mom -- although divorcing a devoted dad knocks her down the great mom list -- just a lousy wife.

CG. Yes. I've learned the "fix-it" thing lesson and I'm working on it. I've learned no one likes a know-it-all and I sometimes can come off that way. I caught myself doing it again this year in my church group.

There were mixed signals though with STBXW. There were lots of times early in the M where I took initiative to help out and STBXW would show appreciation. I mean the job she has, the career that's so precious to her, is one I found for her because she was unhappy where she was and I asked a friend in the company to recommend her. I helped her get in and she's thrived on her hard work.

I was always proud of that -- but it's another thing she didn't get to "do on her own."

So when things went south and she wouldn't say what she actually wanted I thought if I just worked harder it would fix things. I remember in 2009 she finally said "you don't do those things out of love. You do those things so I'm too dependent to leave you."

That's how far out of whack our marriage had become. I always thought we were a team and it was the combined result that mattered. I've learned now that there has to be room for two in a marriage -- not one super spouse and the other meekly tagging along.