All the WASes move at a glacier pace when it comes to their position...they don't even want any hint of "evidence" to show their stupidity in leaving the marriage and family. They all are currently entrenched in their own positions that they're FREE of responsibilities and playing Disneyland. That too will fade.
I am on the curbside watching your W and OM's parade. Why don't you join me and have some cotton candy! Hey, why don't I sneak over to OM's school and pay him to go to Hooters with me during orientation week!!!
Oh yeah - when I pointed out some of the damage to my W she either can't see it because it's invisible to her or downright dismisses it. It's amazing. She even ejected some people in her life who held a different POV than hers.
We can all watch my W too. She's on a teenage tear herself. lol. Rather have a pretzel with mustard if you don't mind.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
Let W do the home appraisal and you get your own professional home appraisal if she decides to conduct one (she may drag her feet on this). You will definitely get two different versions. BTW, don't lift a finger.
So if she asks what is happening, I tell her what? "You want a divorce. Lead the way."
I think I said something (on the board) two mionths ago along the lines of "I will not willingly accelerate the destruction of my family"
I suppose if a L can get me protected w/out Sep Agreement, I don't care.
At least my screen name isn't ChocolateFingers or ChocoFingers!!!
Here are some sample scripts (others can chime in...Puppy?):
W: What's happening with the home appraisal?
CD: W, you know that I have made it very clear that I do not want a divorce. If you want the house to be appraised, you are going have to contact one yourself."
W: What's going on with the meditator?
CD: W, you know that I have made it clear to you that I do not want a divorce. I am seeking legal representation to protect my own finances. Meditator is not high on my list of priorities at this time.
W: I am dropping off D late at 8:30 pm.
CD: W, there is an agreement that D would be dropped off at 6:00 pm. It is disrespectful to both D and me when the agreed drop off time is not adhereed to..it is disruptive to D's routine. Do you agree this is disruptive to D? (pause...wait for W to say "yes"). Good...I want an assurance from you that you will abide and adhere to all agreed drop off/pick up times for D at all times. I will do the same. We will notifiy each other if there is a delay in traffic or there is an actual emergency that prevents the exchange.
Be calm and firm when talking with W. Keep your voice level and even.
Does this not conflict with "Letting go"; Dropping the rope; doing the 180 and agreeing with her? That I'm not sure about her either? getting on? Moving forward?
CD, you may not realize this, but you've done a good job with dropping the rope. Examples are: Not snooping on W and her whereabouts. Not talking to the OM's W. Not using eBlaster. That is what dropping the rope is all about...not getting too attached on what the WAS does or does not do.
You are not agreeing to W's views or actions but letting her TAKE the responsibility for doing the actual leg work (appraisal, contacting meditator, filing D paperwork, etc.) What you are doing is putting the onus on W to do these things...not you. This is what dropping the rope is all about.
The only thing you need to focus on is firewalling your finances. The rest is up to W. Pretty darn easy, heh?
I thought there was a component in the strategy to have her start believing "she has lost me-the safety net"
There is! Firewalling your finances because we all know that the OM is starting school soon and your W is looking to keep herself financially afloat. The squeeze on them will begin very, very soon. Sit and watch my friend.
Meanwhile, keep on working your goals that you posted. Focus on you....act as if. Live your life. Do not initiate any contact with W unless absolutely necessary...related to D and joint finances until you get the firewall in place. She will wonder what you are up to and be mysterious if she asks. Don't tell her in detail what you are doing or even up to.
