Clarificaiton please: I am not sure how things are done in Mapleland, but here in the States...separation agreement focuses mainly on finances for each spouse while divorce is the actual, final dissolution of the marriage. If I am reading you correctly, it seems that the SA is the actual divorce up in your area?
My cheques go into a separate account and I transfer "what we have verbally agreed to" into the joint every cheque.
We have also verbally agreed that all CC debt incurred since June 1 is our own. I'm still going to go after 1/2 of the debts/expenses she incurred on the affair prior to that date.
So, I should just instruct her what she needs to do next regarding what she has to compile for the mediator?
Have her pull all our joint banking statements; arrange the home appraisal; etc?
Interesting.
I am concerned she will keep cranking up her debt and when she reconsiders I'll be married to that debt, too.
Today I found a solution to her/our truck payment problem. My friend can downsize our vehicle. Save on pymt and fuel. But SHE has to qualify. I'm out of this one. If I left this to her, it would never happen either.
So I'll back off on moving forward with the Sep Agreement.
Thanks.
FYI-whether she comes back or not, the truck and house gotta go. But the house should wait til the market improves. Truck first. Immediate savings.
Get a lawyer to represent you on the financal arrangements now. You need to pick your own battles carefully. No point in losing your shirt over this. Seems that the W is getting rather loosey-goosey with your money as well and could put a further dent into your finances (not to mention your credit score). Time to protect your finances.
The meditator is not qualified to handle your own finances. I wouldn't go there or even try to contact the meditator. You need a lawyer for this type of thing. Put some controls in place. It serves as a temporary brake on W's happy-go lucky behaviors when it comes to money and heck ...even try to use your money to pay for OM's Biology 101 textbook!!
The mediator I selected IS a practicing familiy lawyer.
Obviously, I'll have a L review the agreement (required by law here). I'll see if there is someone good that doesn't ask for a huge retainer. Hourly. Spend a few hundy to "set up my position". It's been the friends I know that have referred me to LLB friends that have educated me this far for free.
The only way this will work out to my benefit is without L vs L. A smarmy lawyer will have her digging into joint equity to run her case. Leave us with nothing to fight over. And that equity is legally protected for me IF I DO THIS RIGHT.
One lawyer. Joint use. 8G total cost. Mediators like F^irway are not lawyers and pretty useless. That's who we went to first. I didn't like it when I knew more about D than he did.
I am concerned she will keep cranking up her debt and when she reconsiders I'll be married to that debt, too.
Not necessarily. When my wife and I reconciled, I told her that I had absolutely NO INTENTION of allowing our family's finances to be used to help her pay off her $3k debt to OM that she borrowed to pay her legal retainer. She said she understood, and -- to her credit -- paid every last dollar of it, from her own (rather small) part-time income.
So, I should just instruct her what she needs to do next regarding what she has to compile for the mediator?
Have her pull all our joint banking statements; arrange the home appraisal; etc?
#1: Nope. She is a big girl. #2: Nope. You don't want W to pull up joint banking statements as ammunition. You need to review options with your own attorney.
Let W do the home appraisal and you get your own professional home appraisal if she decides to conduct one (she may drag her feet on this). You will definitely get two different versions. BTW, don't lift a finger.
Contact a laywer to get legal opinon about protecting your finances without a separation aggreement and explore your options. The goal is to protect your own finances while slowing down the D train. If I were you, I'd break off the meditator and get my own lawyer for finances.
And I'll have to put her on a budget if she comes back. "Here;s your cash for the week. There is no more. And no debit or CC's for you."
That does not endear trust in the marriage and restoring it. Too controlling. Nope.
However, you can work on a family budget as a joint effort and agree to a fixed amount that you will spend without needing consent. For example, my current gal and I have an agreement to spend $200 without prior approval. It is the big items that needs to be communicated prior to purchase.
