Hi BeingMe, those thoughts have occurred to me too. I can maybe attract her back, but if we reconcile, my option of "dating others" is gone, and so we need to be able to keep our R strong without that on the table any more. Gucci says she's bored, but I am NOT a boring person. I have a very interesting job, I run competitively in races, I perform in front of people, I love sports, I love good movies, I love good food, I love good drink, I'm great with my kids. From what I could gather, OM is much more boring than me. He only has the fantasy of living in another country. He does have the "take her or leave her" attitude about my W, because he just doesn't really care.
She is bored because she knows she can have me. I was making it too easy for her. I have to make her doubt that, and even if we reconcile, I have to make it clear I won't tolerate having my boundaries violated, and walking away is absolutely on the table. I have to break this "spell" she has on me, and maintain my own boundaries and self worth above and beyond my R with her. That's what I was trying to do in our conversation the other day.
I've said it here over and over, the "spell" is NOT her, it's our kids. I grew up in an intact family, she didn't. She just doesn't value it the way I do. I have a hard time always putting MY boundaries first, when it's the kids that will suffer. I need to drill it into my thick skull that maintaining my boundaries and self worth will lead to a strong marriage and family, and be far BETTER for the kids. My W is sneaky though. She chips away at boundaries, little by little, always guaging how much she can get away with, letting that normalize, then chipping away a little more. Eventually when I reach a point of having enough, it seems to be an overreaction, since it was preceded by her taking a small chip. Infuriating!!!!
