Relocated the family and he dropped the bomb

[john28]

I am so nervous. I could use any support right now. Either tonight or tomorrow night I know I need to establish the boundary and force him to decide if he wants her in his life or wants to work on our marriage and family. Fear is paralyzing right now - my heart is racing all day, short of breath. But I know I can't live like this snooping at the phone bill all day long any more. I cannot be this type of person for my daughters to see.

When I tell him this, do I give him a day to think over what he wants or is he supposed to answer immediately and by the time I leave the room I'll know if he is intending to move out or not?

I know how you're feeling, and I know it is tough. The fear will continue to paralyze you until you take hold of it. Say this to yourself 10 times in a row. Then write it down:

I will speak my mind and feelings in spite of fear of confrontation.

This is a good boundary to set for yourself. Would you want to continue in a M where you were always afraid to express how you feel? I don't think so - but maybe you're OK with that. I know that I am not.

When you tell him this, you sit there quietly awaiting a response. You do not justify your feelings or thoughts. You simply state that you have decided that you will not live in an open marriage, and you want him to go NC with the OW.

Then, you sit there and wait for his response.

Either way, you'll have your answer.