You can't have everything, where would you put it?

[ClingingToHope]

Yes, CG, those are all the facts and yet there is this deep down area where the hope just won't die. Why in this case did I still cling? The 11-hour car ride was with the maid of honor from our wedding who helped get us together in the first place. Months and months ago I thought STBXW hanging out with the MOH was a good thing because I've always considered MOH my biggest booster.

I know and agree with what you are saying. But I've lived my life as the ultimate optimist and to change that thinking will take time.

I think I will be better tomorrow. It's all a part of the process isn't it. Some people have it just drilled into them. They discover an OM or an OW and the brutal truth is right there.

For me, there's never been proof of an OM. She's around guys and one may be an OM, but I don't have solid proof. So that leaves me with her depression issues -- and the faint feelings that someday she'll realize I wasn't the reason she was unhappy. That it was other issues that she used me as a scapegoat for.

And V_H, I'm not arguing. I went too far. I was trying to set a boundary with D11 -- that she shouldn't tell me about her mom's personal life. I told her I don't want her telling STBXW about mine when I start dating.

I went too far in pointing out her mom was likely there with single men and that that was the last straw for me.

I can't take it back though. I can only keep going.