....it's enraging knowing that our spouses are really the ones taking advantage of our nice guy persona which makes it clear to understand why i can't be a "nice guy" at least to her; others appreciate and respect and love me for being someone who does as much as possible for others.
One of the things that I discoverd is the concept of co-dependence and how my reactions to my wife pushing my "hot buttons" was part of the problem in our relationship. When I stopped reacting in the usual way, she had to find a different way to "relate to/interact with" me.
For several months after I initiated changes to my life, I found my wife doing a variety of things that in retrospect almost seemed to be her trying to pick fights with me so that I would loose focus on the changes I was trying to make in my life. I also felt that many times she was finding herself wanting to be close to me and that subconsiously she was picking a fight to avoid emotional closeness. I think it had a lot to do with verifying boundaries on her part and on accepting that things had changed. I can't tell you the number of times I asked myself if I wanted to get sucked into a fight with her or just bite my tongue and show her love and demand respect and fulfilling my emotional needs. It was a real challenge to not be baited into an argument.
One of the things that MWD says is that in a relationship problem, both parties are both part of the problem and need to be part of the solution. I really believe that and that it is important for one of the members of the couple to initiate change and offer a consistent approach so that the other partner can have some reference point (assuming both want the relationship to continue).
Good luck to you.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
