My 1st c was that way too. But I'm seeing a christian, solution based c this time and its m all the way! I would look for one such as this in your local christian bookstore under ministries listings. I was thinking using a c for an avenue to vent your feelings of hurt and mistrust so that you can be calm when in h's presence.
I had a phone call from my h this morning. Well, he was mad that my voicemail was not detailed enough (I only said I had 'something' to do last night with our boys...he was suspicious) and that I did not call him back after the 'something'. Apparently his expectations of me have changed and i was not made aware! I'd stop calling him because he hurt me by saying he had a TV show to watch every night and my call was interrupting him.
Well after h's call this morning, I immediately called my c and he said that I need to, with a man as insecure as my h, be very, very transparent. I can not assume anything with him from this point forward. I will need to assume now that he thinks I'm unfaithful (thus more disclosure on whereabouts) and that I don't love him (continually provide words of affirmation). My use of his love language will help me show love/commitment. C said he knows this is very hard for me but since I'm the only one attending c that it will be my job to turn this around (oh, along with God's divine intervention which will be the big % that will turn this). Since I see what needs to change in me that will help the situation immensely. My h has a tentative appt for Monday at 2pm that he needs to confirm. I pray he does. My c said my h needs to learn how to ask for things in the m. Boy does he cause I ain't getting this game he's playing!
My h makes me feel like I'm working blind..doing what I think will please him but only finding after the fact that it is wrong. So after I called the c, he said that I should ask h about when to call. I should also ask h open ended questions when he begins to ask about my whereabouts so that he can explore his feelings behind the asking.
As for you h saying he's uncomfortable around you, I would bet he feels ashamed and guilty. You need to reassure him by not bringing up the things he did wrong (like ow, a, not calling, etc.), and do things for him not because you want something but just because you love him....have no expectations just do the right thing. I think actions like that will speak greater volumes than any ILYs you might say.
