I am(way to slowly)taking back the control from her. I have my shortcomings as we all do. I never realized how co-dependant I had become. I think it was Puppy who pointed that out in one of the first couple of posts on my thread.
Journaling-
Kids had their first full day of school. I got home and ate with them and then went to cut grass. Had to run to the store later and told them all good-night. W asked where I was going. I said I had to get some prescriptions filled. She said she could do it tomorrow for me. I said thanks, but I have to get used to doing stuff like this on my own.
I got home before 10:00 and got in the shower. When I came out into the bedroom, W was sitting in the bed. She said she had something to tell me and I was going to be pissed. The short version is the twins asked her if she was dating the super. She acted shocked and said of course not, mom and dad are married, blah, blah, blah. Who told you that? They said some kids at school.
So that led into her adamantly denying doing anything inappropriate with the super at school or any other time. I started off very calm. I said, yes, I was very mad that the kids are becoming more involved in this, but I wasn't surprised. She kept saying she didn't understand where the rumors were coming from, she had never cheated, and had never given anyone the impression that anything was going on. She blames it on small town gossip. I told her to believe whatever she wanted, but she had told me all along I was the only person who thought anything was happening between the two of them. She was lying all along and I was done with the lies.
So this turned into about an hour and a half bitch fest that really didn't accomplish anything. I again validated, listened and agreed with her. I know I messed up a few times and I know I let it go on for way too long. I finally said,"Look, you don't have to apologize to me for the past. I'm tired of this same conversation. You will still not admit to anything, it's someone else's fault that these rumors are going around. I don't care. If you can't tell me that you want to give this a 100% commitment and try to fix it, I will continue with proceeding with a D. Your choice. The door has always been open for you to come back." She then said she had never left. I rolled my eyes, put my hand over my heart and opened it like a door and said,"I mean the door to my heart," and smiled. She smiled through her tears. I then said the, I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me and some other DB stuff. I went to bed without waiting for an answer.
So, I know I let it go on too long. Her lies are starting to catch up to her and I need to leave her alone with them and let her deal and feel them. She is still in denial and I can't wake her up. It has to come from her. She says she has done nothing wrong.
This has been going on for almost a year. I looked back through my whole thread and I realize I was pretty much just sitting there waiting. I would do a few things that were recommended and fell like I had the world by the tail. Then I would revert to being scared because my sitch didn't turn around. Now, I can actually SEE the script happening right before my eyes. It still catches me off guard a little and I have to have my response to her thought out ahead of time and have it well rehearsed. The things she is saying is almost word for word script. It's either the first time I've noticed or the first time she has started using these words. I can see how some of the masters here can tell the future and predict what will happen.
I don't know if this can be saved. Her house of cards is starting to fall down. That will either wake her up or it won't. Her lies are catching up to her. That's all good. I have to stop getting in such long talks. I'm much better at listening but still catch myself trying to make my case and explain my point of view. This is not the time for that. I know.
I thought I had been DBing all along. Maybe I'm just getting started.
