It feels like I am getting rid of her..that I don't want her anymore.
That's what you need to make her think.
Humans instinctively want what they can't have.
You will get there, keep working on it and reading here.
I think of this place as a class room on relationships.
Last edited by gr8 day 2B alive; 08/13/1001:21 PM.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Geez. I have never seen "The Picnic" analogy before. Thanks. It addresses a few issues; not just detaching. Patience. Confidence Contentment GAL Unconditional love
It really is good. I had it written on the chalk board in my kitchen for months. ENJOY PICNIC
Quote:
I'm gonna "enjoy my picnic"
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
A very simple perspective. Its nice to see how easy things can be if you wan them to be, rather than make them so difficult.
I picnic sounds like a great choice - and it will start this weekend!
I have a feeling I am going to part of this community for quite some time - and one day..be able to share my experience, expertise and support with other newcomers.
A very simple perspective. Its nice to see how easy things can be if you want them to be, rather than make them so difficult.
Yes it is appears simple, but very difficult to get to that point.
Keep a PMA (Positive mental attitude)
Good luck this weekend. Have fun and enjoy the time with the kids.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Keeter, Here's another motivational piece originally posted by Coach. It helped me when things got harder:
In a business book by James C. Collins called Good to Great, Collins writes about a conversation he had with Stockdale regarding his coping strategy during his period in the Vietnamese POW camp.[10]
"I never lost faith in the end of the story, I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life, which, in retrospect, I would not trade."[11]
When Collins asked who didn't make it out of Vietnam, Stockdale replied:
"Oh, that’s easy, the optimists. Oh, they were the ones who said, 'We're going to be out by Christmas.' And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they'd say, 'We're going to be out by Easter.' And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart."[11]
Stockdale then added:
"This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end—which you can never afford to lose—with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”[11]
Witnessing this philosophy of duality, Collins went on to describe it as the Stockdale Paradox.
Oh yeah, did you click the bottom of my tagline yet?? ANother piece of wisdom.
Last edited by gr8 day 2B alive; 08/13/1004:14 PM.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Thank you..keep em' coming, it is helping - I am absorbing.
Yes, I read the tagline and watched the Youtube Vid - haven't heard that song in years, I love it. Very profound.
My weekend went well with the kids, I stuck to my guns and made it about us (kids and I). Didn't send any texts to her, didn't worry about what she was doing or where she was, who she may be with. I didn't give her the updates about how the kids were or what we were doing or send any pics. I used to. It wasn't having results, and she doesn't do that for me. It was tough for me, but I've made it through 4 days of enjoying my picnic. I am feeling it should only get easier. One thing that makes it easier, I see how she has detached herself from me. No point in fighting a losing battle anymore.
Tonight, I will be applying to volunteer my time at a Senior Citizens Centre. I am looking forward to it, will be therapeutic for me and will get me out and doing things that make a difference to others, and to me.
its tough to grasp the GAL concept sometimes. Sure, I like having some time to myself to do the things I enjoy. But I have never felt that I needed to be a LBS to do it. My family was my life, contrary to what the W may have thought. I really wish she knew that, but I know that right now that doesn't matter to her. Some of our family routines, her family, friends etc. Was what my life was, and I enjoyed it. It is why I got married, to share my life...not to have "just" my own. If I had wanted that in life, I would have remained single and would have never thought to have children with anyone. I can continue to focus on me and enjoying life with my son's, but I sure as heck miss the togetherness of our family. We could have worked on so much to improve on what we had, I feel it is such a shame that that may never happen. I know there are some change I would like to make personally and I can do it, it is what I want. But I also know there are some changes she had wanted, things that impacted our relationship, our family. If they hadn't changed things would have never gotten any better. I am glad she made the decision when she did, I am glad she opened my eyes. I had tried so much to get her to listen and realize that "I get it", I know what was wrong, I had spent months mulling over it, retracing the past. But I now realize, all she hears is blah blah blah. Perhaps she doesn't care if I go through and I am committed to the changes she was so hopeful for during our marriage. It just seems to make sense that if she can see any of this, she can slowly start buliding a little trust and respect for me again. But with the detachment and the space, I don't understand how she would see this.
I guess the best way for me to undertand it is, if she truly loves me...she will look when she is ready...if ever.
One our S's had his Soccer game last night, I find it so tough to be there all together, it is the greatest feeling. But there is the distance that she keeps, I made sure I kept it last night. I am afraid that by doing this, she will interpret it as "attitude" from me. I am showing anger. I have displayed no anger, I now keep my discussions brief and stick to the topic at hand - the kids.
Good job on the weekend with the kids. No contact was good. It seems from what you wrote that you were just looking for reasons to have conversation with her. Talking about he ids is fine, but only when she NEEDS to know the information. Don't bring up the kids if the talk is petty.
You're still thinking about her noticing changes in you, let that go. You're thinking about family life and all the events families do. You now have a refined family(You and your kids). It was hard for me too to let go of the notion of being a family and enjoying raising ours kids together.
Detaching is a hard step, it took me months. You are still doing things for her to notice. Start doing things YOU like to do, and don't worry about "pushing" her further away.
Until she feels SHE'S losing you, you're sitch won't change.
Continue to move forward.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
