It is very hard to suddenly quit cold turkey...quit those things you've lived with your h doing for x # of years! You'll suffer withdrawals. I took to marking on a calendar each day I could go without contact with my h (no calls, no emails, nada, zip) and when I made 8 days, I went out and bought me a new outfit, jewelry, and shoes! That incentive keep me focused on my goal of not calling my h. Eventually I got to where I could go 2 weeks, then 3 then a month. Now I can go about 2 months with no calls to him. And now he calls me frequently. (I did call if there was an emergency with the kids but anything to do with us...nothing.)
I also stopped volunteering information if he didn't ask. When we met to exchange the kids I also stopped getting out of the car to chit chat, usually waited inside my van and he'd come out to talk to me. I guess really focusing on change the normalacy of things, the routine got changed up and stayed changed...so he could see that I was different, reacting differently.
I don't know but my situation was such that the more I tried to be there for him the harder he pushed me away. If I tried to converse with him, the more shut down he became. Sometimes he said that he'd hear me on his answering machine calling, worried, calling but chose not to answer. That hurt. So I just decided I was going to stop hurting myself by pursuing someone that didn't want me. Apparently I did the right thing cause it turned my situation around.
I understand your fear of not wanting to leave your h without you because he may go to ow. But like you said before...being with him or not won't stop that. Ultimately, only he can make the decision for what is best for him no matter how you try to influence. With that bit of info, you should feel free to go out and get a life and not feel bad about doing it.
It can be quite liberating to realize that you are not responsible for the bad decisions your h makes. Have you read Acorn's post on detaching? Read it...the sooner you can learn this technique of detaching the sooner you can turn your m around.
