You can't have everything, where would you put it?

[ClingingToHope]

And my emotional house falls apart again.

Snafu with D11's daycare situation today so STBXW drops her off at my apartment. I was upstairs changing when STBXW came inside and did not come down to see her.

So now I have D11, who I haven't seen in a week and she starts telling my about STBXW's trip to South Dakota, how she bought a Harley jacket, how she got a bunch of CDs from a concert, how her friends taught her how to ride a motorcycle.

This from a person too scared to learn how to ski or go snorkeling around fish.

I told her to stop. That I didn't want to hear what STBXW does as a single woman.

D11 says that STBXW went with her friend Cassie to S.D.

I told her Cassie wouldn't have taught her how to ride a motorcycle. That STBXW did go to S.D. with Cassie, but she also went with a bunch of single men.

And I told her that that's probably the last straw between her mom and I. I was not happy she went there with a bunch of single men.

I don't know if I should have said the last part, but she kept asking questions about why I didn't want to hear it.

And now, D11 is here at work with me, and I feel like my world is crashing in around me again. As much as I try NOT to be an optimist and just focus on me -- I still cling to hope. I small part of me thought 11 hours in a car with her best friend -- who I always considered a friend -- might possibly change things.

I can't stop myself -- and then when it doesn't happen I crash again.