Bobby, it is evident from your posts that you are a fixer. I would say that most of us who find our way here are.
It has been said over and over again that we can not fix our spouses going through MLC. Your focus has to switch over to you. How I hated hearing that when I first got here. I was looking for a way to save my marriage and I was told you have to save yourself first. I was told to do the work on you, and maybe your M will be restored and if not, you will be OK then too.
The work has been hard and it continues to be, I've also realized it will be never ending until I meet my maker.
I feel that you, like me, found happiness in doing for others. I got my greatest rewards when pleasing others. It has been very foreign for me to turn my focus on me and please myself. I still flounder and am at a loss at times with that. I miss that feedback from my H that he appreciated an act of service.
I am working to define myself as a whole person comfortable with the fact that it's OK to do what makes me happy. Yes, I still have children at home to consider. I am, at this time, the sane and present parent. My goal is to be the best mom and SA that I'm capable of.
Find the rewards of focusing on yourself. God will take care of your W.
