Good to get your input! My c said the same thing to me yesterday:
Quote: We look at things from only our point of view way to often, and then read things into their actions, or lack of actions.
My c said to really see and hear what h is trying to tell me by asking me who I'm with, where I'm going, etc.....he's insecure and not assume it's because he wants to control me. H really is trying to get reassurance from me about the r.
I told the c I felt like I could not trust h but c said your h is feeling the same degree of distrust...one of you will need to do things different. Guess who that will be? So now I need to basically treat h the way I want to be treated. C said that most of the time I'm talking to my h in such a way that I'm assuming he knows what I mean. For example, in our conversation last Friday when h had all those questions about my going out (where are you going, who are you going with, what are you doing)...I came at the conversation with the mindset "Why is he asking me this, he should KNOW I would not cheat on him" so then all my answers were vague thus I missed the chance to reassurance my h and build up his sense of security. C said that since I go into conversations assuming things my h should know that it leads to the circular conversation where nothing is resolved....my h clamors for reassurance with numerous questions as I get angry and more vague which leads to greater distrust. I've got to break that circular pattern now!
Ultimately the c session was very eye opening for me because I see what I'm doing to cause issues in our relationship and cause my h to shut me out. I must seem totally unapproachable to him because i'm not understanding or seeing what he's really trying to tell me. Today I'm going to have to challenge my assumptions about my h and our r! Get rid of those and see my h as a hurting man, lost and confused, that does not need my assumptions but my compassion, patience, and listening ear.
