I reread your first thread, but not the other two. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you to know he wanted you out while you visited your baby.
Be strong! You sound like a fantastic mother, and a fantastic woman. He does not define you, you do.
He was carrying his coffee. I can just imagine. Such a familiar sight, I'm sure.
He doesn't want to see you because of his guilt. His note proves that.
In what you've written the past few days, it's clear that you both love each other deeply. Work on showing him the joy you can have despite all this and... you never know what may happen.
My unsolicited advice is to not contact him again for a while. It will be much better for you this way. (fullmoon said it best.)
Yes G, it was him, my husband, coffee in hand, running along in the clothes we bought together,or I bought him, with my bag draped over his shoulder that he 'stole' from me a few years ago. As familiar to me as my own flesh... Such a 'normal' scene.
I like what you say about working on showing him the joy, but how do I do that if I do NC?
Won't that just mean out of sight out of mind?
Perhaps it will just mean he and OW will have to really deal HEAD ON with what they have done.
Pinhead, thankyou for stopping by and reminding me that this is not a reflection on me.
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
Received a txt from family friend, who has sometimes housed WH while here. "I don't know why some relationships end so badly. I guess because emotions get in the way. Don't think about his loss. What matters now is you and the baby".
WTF! He doesn't know why some relationships end so badly????? After what WH has done? And this from a man who has known me since I was a baby!
I haven't read your whole thread, just the last several pages. Your comment above about seeing him in those clothes hit a nerve as I just did laundry yesterday (for the family) and came across the clothes H wore this weekend to see OW and thought 'I wonder if she knows that all that he is wearing is what I have picked out for him'.
I have no relationship advice but wanted to pass along that one thing that has helped me in moments of weakness if focusing on being the mother that my daughters deserve. Focusing on making them proud, even though they are oblivious to what is going on, and remembering that they deserve the world, and their mama deserves to be taken care of. Staying strong and focused for them helps me to get back on course and then eventually stay on course for myself.
Sending hugs and wishing you all the best....
~MM
Me 32 H 32 Ds 3.5 and 1.5 M 5 years, T 14 years EA/Bomb: 7/1/10 PA revealed: 9/14/10 Legally separated: 10/01/10
but for him, 1) space for him to miss you, 2) space for him to know that things are happening with you that he doesn't know 3) space for you to start new things so that when you contact him-- or when he hears from others about you-- he will be intrigued.
messages about the baby, r talk, etc could really inhibit some of the above things.
also, i think you should let him ask about the baby first.
you've got to promise me no initiation of contact for a month!!! then after that you can change if you want.
Is your H going back to where you used to live together?
If so, even if you don't do anything (=NC) he will struggle big time just being there, so many things will remind him of happy times together. (not to mention being asked at times "where did you get your nice clothes/bag?) It will kick in more when the pain/ resentment of your R issues eases a bit in a while... you know they say our mind tends to remember the good times more than the bad to protect ourselves.
wow G, you really know how to put me to the test. Ok, I'm gonna try. Which I suppose means no replying to his 'forgive me' note. WH knows I shoot off at the mouth, so this will be a 180 alright!
MM78 - sorry you can relate. Hope you are doing okay today. My baby gives me a lot of comfort, joy and direction. Phew for that. I just need to work on establishing a new life here. It will happen. One day at a time, right?
