Bobby, If you can get the six months to happen, that is important for you. I see two things that will happen. 1. You get to take this time to look at who Bobby is. 2. If this is MLC for your wife, six months can help quite a bit.
Either way, If you have found yourself here, you will find more of what you need no matter what happens. The resources Cadet will give you will help you get to where you need to go. My W lives with me as well and her behavior mirrors your W. Stay tight with these MLC threads. Read every day and ask more questions. People here will help you more than you think.
Hey guys, Hope everyone is doing well today!! Not sure what to do next just kind of stuck, but having our S back has been great. Have to take S out when I get him on Weds to get W a birthday gift I use to enjoy doing it with him as it was something we did together each year; now it's awkward, but it's all for him.
Does anyone think it’s ok to whish W a Happy Anniversary? No gifts or anything & I don’t even if I’d get any response back. I’m not trying to be completely heartless as I had big plans for us, but cancelled everything before I moved out in the beginning of May (just don’t know what to do) probably nothing just torn!!
Hey guys, Well the past 2 days I my W has gotten better at getting back with me about S as to what is going on with him.
Even talked on the phone brief at the end there was a pause like one of us should have said something. Next: I said talk to ya later; I don't know if any of this had to do with the other day but I have felt better .
I'm just trying my best to let go even though I don’t want too. I want to make the M work as well as continue to work on improving myself.
Just need some advice especially the big guys Coach, Puppy, Gucci & Of course there are many others as well. I wish I got on here more often, but school is kicking my As* right now super busy!!!
Thanks talk later have a term paper to write... Hope
Hey thanks LSG, You keep positive too. Tonight W & I are actually taking S to his school orientation. Have to stay positive & upbeat who knows what will happen.
For a long time I lost my confidence, my assertiveness, & how I felt about myself not being good enough. Well with the help of my IC, going back to school, actually doing things for myself, and all the crap that has happened this year (which sucks but I have become stronger).
I feel more confident & better about myself. For a while I felt we were on 2 different levels instead of the same (that was my perception).
I think W has noticed changes as I’m not the doormat that she has used for the past 2.5yrs.
I also know that I didn’t open up with my feelings all the time & have gotten much better at that with the help of IC/MC in 09 and this year as well. Talk later Hope
HEY GUYS, I NEED SOME ADVICE ON THIS ONE. Ok I asked W to meet up for coffee next week to talk. We both have to get better with schedules with our S. I also need to see if we are going to set up mediation as it’s a lot cheaper or if I should use my lawyer.
I’m trying to let her go & move forward I don’t think anything has changed except last week when I told her I was doing my best to move on. Maybe I was just reading into it. (Her Tears Boo Hoo)!! After we talk about our S; I have 2 thoughts & one is probably wrong; however this is it:
A: asking her if she had any second thoughts or doubts I guess that’s more for me (As I slipped up last month & asked if she had any doubts/2nd thought)? W said sometimes she thinks about it, but said we would probably be here in a few yrs. again!!
B: Tell her she is right I do deserve to be loved by someone who does love and care for me. I’m trying to hang in there and get nothing in return. (Kind of like the dog that keeps getting kicked & he keeps coming back for more) That’s Me. To be honest this is tough & the more we have been separated I’m not sure how I feel about you /us right now.
I don’t know if any of this would work or a combination of the 2. Don’t get me wrong I still love my W more than she knows, and want to make it work.
This communing week is our Anniversary so I made sure I had plans b/c she doesn’t seem to care. W is just as stubborn as me & once her mind is made up it’s almost set in stone.(Both kind of Mules)
It may take some more months or even a yr. or 2 but I think W will realize people can change & question what if? I know I have to watch my back b/c no one else will.
Well thanks for everyone’s input & advice it means a lot. Talk Later Hope
There is no try. There is only do. Trust me... "I tried, and I am getting divorced".
Quote:
I don’t know if any of this would work
I can save you a lot of thinking based on (bad) experience. If you are doing something to try to change her or how she feels, it will most likely ... at best... lead to false hope and another let down. It might drag things out, but if your motivation is to change her, it probably won't work.
You can be nice, you can be charming, you can dress well and have good manners, but you have to let her go, and if she comes to you, then you might need the vets, IMHO.
Do not bring up R talk. If she does, just agree with her or say stuff like "I see". Detach now.
Your stated purpose is already bad: to discuss mediation. You made this date, so you have to stick to it, but keep it short and on that topic, validate.
Unless, of course, she changes the topic. Listen.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 08/21/1012:14 AM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Thanks TimeHeals, I not looking to change her, although I would love too.. The date for next week can change anytime as; far as W knows were just talking about our S.
I just want to know where we stand this limbo stage sucks. I don't want to get blind sided with papers either. My? Is how long do I wait, or on the other hand do I take the chance & have W come to me.
Even then nothing is guaranteed; I also know my W thinks she probably has made it pretty clear that her decision is final. I’m just not sure anymore it seems that no one except myself & a few people think that this can work.
sg