I too am separated in different countries and I took the NC route... mainly as a way to set my boundary as H sent angry emails with insults (which I don't think your H would do), then I got weary to do anything. I also wanted H's pain to ease off a bit for him to perhaps miss me. I felt that otherwise there is no chance for us to work together.
So far... I don't know if it was good or not. It has helped me loads to detach, it's as if he was another life so many years ago... but my DB coach told me we're way too disconnected now, even people who have been deployed contact more often!
Recently started contacting again as we have some things to sort out, and it has been amicable so far.
In the early stages of my stitch, the coach used to tell me to avoid any R talk and keep the emails to positive chit-chat.
Btw, we've been separated for 6mths and NC went on for 3mths, I even ignored H's birthday.
Fullmoon, your post has me thinking... Does that mean that when we are living in different states or countries to our WAS' & we want to repair the marriage, we should do our upmost to keep up other forms of conctact - email, skpe, phone, texts, etc? This kinda has to happen if there are kids involved anyway... NC just seems like a dead end.
P, I gotta say: even though you will need to contact him with stuff, I think you should try to commit to one month NC (or little little contact) after he leaves.
How long did you do NC in the pregnancy, again? I have forgotten.
I have a mixed feeling about what the DB coach told me.
The intention of keeping in touch with a positive tone was to keep being friends I guess, as all R starts from there. In my case H was unstable and all over the map (who wouldn't be) with angry outburst emails, and asking him to please don't/ completely ignoring them and sending positive response didn't help at all. So I thought I'll show it in action: NC. My plan was to go dark for a few weeks then respond--- but after a week of NC I felt so much better, I was able to truly detach!
The best thing of this NC was that it brought me to the 'neutral state' to ask myself if I really want this man back, and it cooled my head to conclude I deserve someone who wants to work on it. (I stopped chasing, in other words)
I must note, my belongings from overseas are with H and I will have to see him sooner or later... and I plan to move back to H's country but to a different city.
I did 6 weeks NC during the pregnancy. WH just called the home phone. He is coming to see the bub in one hour and doesn't want me there. He sounded breathless and stressed, in fact he said he was the latter. I asked him where he slept last night cos he mentioned he was on a train, and it was another ex-work mate of his.
I am feeling sick...
I have to walk out of my house so he can see the baby...
WH came and saw baby. I saw him walking towards the house as I drove off. He didn't see me. He was a bit late, carrying his takeaway coffee. He stayed about 30mins. Had an exchange with my mum. He thanked her for looking after me and bub. She said it will take me years to get over this. (Was that a bad thing for her to say??). He was teary and he said he is going to miss bub.
That's about all, really.
He left me this note:
"Wife, thankyou. Thankyou for letting me see (baby) alone. It was very important for me. Goodbye, (Husband). Please forgive me for what I have done to you and to us".
