i'm extremely damaged. i see a pychologist at least weekly. I have PTSD bad. I dont take his call because i'm terrified he'll hurt or me or manipulate me in some way. I have to constantly be validated by friends and family that it wasn;t all my fault, that I'm not bad. Now, school starts in a few weeks, and I have been this crazy without school or work... what will i do what I have this and have to work and go to school? I'm still in the house and being supported by him financially. I hate ignoring him. my heart is broken, but I'm so afraid of him... i'm afraid of the person I am with him. Completely wrapped up in him and wrapped up in my looks... trying to please him.... figure him out... be OK in his eyes. I'm a perfect narcissistic supply source. Yes, he sounded almost tearful. But he just wanted me to feel sorry for him. Sorry so that I would either build him up or so that I would feel guilty for asking for money or not sue him for beating me. And of course, it would work. If he were to give me my consolance I would most likely crumble. That's why I don't take his calls, which have ceased. I will however have to see him next week because we are being auidited. I'm nervous, sad and in a strange way excited. But today, I'm just terrified. I'm terrified he'll hurt me. He could do it by being kind, by being cold, just by being himself. I generally feel like a nut case wreck today.
