My New LBS Reality

[ericmsant2]

IB

I am sorry I have not posted to you in a while. I can see your pain in your post and from the bottom of my heart I am so sorry that you are going through this sh*t with the rest of us.

You know, I have been spending a fair amount of time reflecting, and I have to say that I come to realize that the pain that we feel we really just have to go thru. No magic pill - sorry.

From the pain though we will find out strength. We will find out core. Unfortunately, the pain will remain for a period of time. It is what YOU do with this pain that defines the rest of your life.

I don't know you IB....but really i can see a will to survive in you. A will to overcome this. Whatever happens I know that you will be fine.

I am sure he is saving every nickel and dime to pay for a divorce

You may be right BUT you do not know that this is the case. What this is...is YOUR FEAR. The fear of the unknown, the fear of loss, the fear of having to do this alone. Know what...your NOT alone. It may feel that way..but your not.

it will FINALLY be all over.

What you will come to understand, if you do not already is that YOU and ONLY YOU determine when "it" is over. Yep, you do. You control how you feel, you control what you do, you control how you respond...It really is all you IB.

There is nothing I can do about him

Yes their is....you can love him no matter what he does. Loving him does not mean that you agree with him. Loving him does not mean that you are happy about his actions. Loving him is getting to a place where you understand that he had made a decision that you do not agree with but that you understand it. Understand it the best way you can. You can also, begin the process of forgiving him. Begin the process of letting him go and hoping that he finds whatever the hell it is that he is looking for. You can, let him go in love. That is once you get over the anger and hurt, which you will if YOU allow yourself to.

working full-time, and grieving is wearing me out.

i know how exhausting this crap can be. Man do I know...I work full time, try and parent 3 kids pretty much solo, deal with someone who could not give a rats ass about me and also deal with the emotions that come from all of this. You know what ya need....TIME...You need to really take a step back from all of this and really think about YOU. This is why GAL'ing is so important. It is for YOU sanity. You are doing better than you think. You may not feel that way but you are.

I keep avoiding making my plans...scared, sad, overwhelmed.

Then honestly...just stop avoiding what you need to do. You can do it girl. You really can. Take a look at your kids...they need to see that mom is happy not down in the dumps that is the lesson that they need to learn from you. Not just what it is to stand...but rather what it is to face adversity in ones life and still keep moving, still find joy in life.

I also feel so isolated - even out in a crowd

I know the feeling. The feeling that you failed. IB - YOU did not fail. I can tell you that the fact that you are here, you are standing for your belief, your core values says that you are not a failure. You never have been nor will you be. You will prosper, you will thrive, you will survive, you will be better, you will be smarter, you will be the new IB. Now stop feeling sorry for yourself. Realize that 99% of the people in this world do not have the strength that YOU do.

How have I allowed this crazy-a$$ man to have so much power over me???

FEAR - plain and simple. Your afraid. Afraid of being alone. Alone is not a bad thing, at least not now but you will not always be alone. You will find love again. Hell it may even be with your H.

IB - I and many others are here with you...your not isolated. Your not.

You can do this honey...you really can.

Do me a favor, read my thread....if I can do it...trust me you can.

In closing.....God has not given us more than we can bear...

As for your son....take him to go buy the basketball. Put a smile on his face honey.. You will feel a lot better and so will he.

God Bless,
Eric