Yes, stop the race! Maybe he's waiting on a call to firm up the plans before he lets you know... Who knows? Stop reacting and blaming, just let today be. He'll call, who cares when he calls?
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Cathy, I was also wondering... was this an issue in the old R? H would tell you he would call, and then you would get controlling and wonder why he didn't call when you thought he should call? Could this be a test to see if you will get angry? JMHO
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
You know now that you say that...it is! I used to get so irate when he didn't return my calls right away that I would call back 3 or 4 times then finally leave a nasty message ! The last time this happened was in October so I plum forgot! Haven't done it since then and you headed me off before I went and did it again ...thanks!
it is a 180 not to call again!!! So I'll let him be...he'll call. Remember, he has more hope in us than I do so that's going for us.
Thanks again for saving me!!! from certain disaster.
Well h called me yesterday right at 5pm and 5:01pm...I saw him on my caller id. But I didn't see it until 7pm and so I called him back from the party I was at to say I was waiting for your call sorry I missed it, call me back. I'm bummed that I could have been with him last night and missed my chance! He must have been real busy at work to not call me all day.
Oh, well I had fun any way with my friends. I'm off now to go get me an all over tan for my date with h on Sunday!
HI, My take on his not calling is that when a person feels controlled and is P/A, the most obvious thing is to do something that will provoke the expected response and thus justify the feeling of being controlled. So in the past, his NOT calling was to provoke and now, as someone else pointed out, he is probably testing you to see if you will call him back and get nasty. And that is very controlling. Your C sounds like a good guy! Maybe you could bring up something like the 'calling' pattern' in an innocent way...saying that for you, calling is showing love, so you lIKE to be called and to call. But maybe for H calling has a different meaning and it feels less loving than controlling. And that you are FINE with that if that is what it is..you'd just like to know, cause it is so hard to guess or to assume. Of ocurse, it can backfire: my X could NOT accept accountability, so he would just deny and leap to another thing I did that was wrong. I think your C won't let that happen...he will keep the control.
I wanted to give y’all an update on the weekend’s happenings!
Joined my h at 2pm Sunday so that we could drive over to his company Christmas party. He saw my outfit and said that it would not have been his first choice for the party . I didn’t change cause I liked what I was wearing and plus I thought it was appropriate. (was wearing gray slacks, very form fitting, and a black/red long sleeved shirt, form fitting with a deep v-neck) When he was dressed I told him he looked very very nice though to be a b...I said that shirt would not have been my first choice. He said well you could have spoken up and picked something out for me (wow he'd let me do that?) but I said no I'm just joking you look very hot. He let me kiss him on the cheek.
We left at 3pm, got at hotel and explored room, unpacked. We stayed at a very ritz posh place! $180 per night!!! H brought a 64 oz bottle of crown! His friends came over for drinks. Went to dinner and h was real affectionate though he was already a little drunk. Got back to room and ml. Went down to party. H still very affectionate , introducing me to all his friends as his w .
We took a photo as a couple. H said the picture came out very well! He ended up taking the photo home!!!
At one point in the evening, h wondered off. I didn’t think anything of it until I got up to go to the restroom and found him talking to a woman . I wasn’t going to butt in but h motioned me to come over so I did. He introduced me saying do you remember so and so. That is when I realized it was the same woman whom I had found in his apartment this time last year . (He’d said she had indicated quite clearly she was interested in him...well duh! I made it quite clear to her when I found her that h was still my husband (first time h introduced me to anyone as his w!!! ) Well come to find out she works with him…he said he had told me that but I don’t recall. Anyway when would he have told me this past year when we have been very estranged? I mean he made it quite clear that his going ons were none of my business! I was mad but chit chatted with her then went to the restroom. Later in the room, he asked why I was putting on lipstick I said just in case there is more competition downstairs. He said what does that mean? I said well you didn’t tell me that woman worked here so maybe there are others like her. He said I know I told you I had gotten her a job here…I said no you did not. He said well whatever I would not get with anyway here at work anyways. I said oh not here at work well where then? He said he doesn’t know but not with anyone at work . I lay down on the bed and he came over to give a very long kiss, hugged me as I got up.
Rest of the evening we had fun at the casino, then went downtown for drinking and dancing. Came back to room about 2am to ml . Then went to bed.
In morning, lay around till about 11am. He held my hand as we lay there. He wasn’t drunk either which I thought was promising .
Left the room went to lunch then back to his apartment. He didn’t ask me to come up so I loaded up in my van then sat there to check my voicemails. He came back down and asked if I was leaving? I said in a bit he said why don’t you come up . So I sat in his apartment watching a movie for 2 hours then left at 3pm to get my boys from school.
That was the end of our time together. We didn’t talk much about anything. Not any r talk though I did mention this ow .
Overall I guess our time together was a success. I had fun if nothing else . I just wish/pray that he would say the words…lets move back in together!!!! Gosh I want that so bad!
Today I just feel overwhelmed with fear. My h has yet to make his appointment to see the counselor...I'm sure it is because he is at work and probably won't call until next week but I'm just so afraid he won't go!
And yesterday he called out of the blue to ask if the boys would be getting into band....now as part of the divorce decree my h would have to pay half of those extracurricular costs. Since they won't be in band, I'm wondering what he will spend that money on? He only asked if they were joining band, got his answer (no) and hung up. Left me wondering what he's up to, where was he, why is he asking bout that money.
It is so unsettling to be this unsure of what the person you love is up to! It grates on my nerves!
He runs around like he has something to hide...asks questions but doesn't give reasons why he's asking then hangs up. Considering all that he has said and done since we've gone to counseling, I can't put these 2 personalities together! Was he merely telling the MC what they wanted to hear? He can't seem to talk to me...even about mundane things like what he does when he's not working. How can I believe what he said in counseling if he can't even TALK about what he bought at the store!?
My mood is...when will the carpet get yanked out from under my feet? I feel like I'm waiting for the ax to fall.
!
! The last time this happened was in October so I plum forgot! Haven't done it since then and you headed me off before I went and did it again 
. I didn’t change cause I liked what I was wearing and plus I thought it was appropriate. (was wearing gray slacks, very form fitting, and a black/red long sleeved shirt, form fitting with a deep v-neck) When he was dressed I told him he looked very very nice though to be a b...I said that shirt would not have been my first choice. He said well you could have spoken up and picked something out for me (wow he'd let me do that?) but I said no I'm just joking you look very hot. He let me kiss him on the cheek. 
, introducing me to all his friends as his w 
. I wasn’t going to butt in but h motioned me to come over so I did. He introduced me saying do you remember so and so. That is when I realized it was the same woman 
. Then went to bed.
. 
. I just wish/pray that he would say the words…lets move back in together!!!!