Living on a See-Saw

[cinnyluvscats]

Our marriage has been up and down, like all marriages, but we've been in a "down mode" for about 6 years. I wanted more attention; he wanted to just cruise through marriage. We even presented talks at pre-marriage week-ends for engaged couples, but I finally refused to do that anymore because I felt like such a hypocrite.
Long story short; H's family business went bankrupt, taking $46,000+ of our savings with it, was bought out, then H was fired in Jan. '08. He found new job 3 months later, but is not happy with it. I felt that he chose his parents/business over kids and me while he feels differently.
I had been talking about separating for 2 years; he refused until March, when he moved to parents' house. In April, I found out about OW.
I worked on my anger/bitterness/etc. from March onward and let him know recently that I would like to reconcile. He keeps saying no and talks about filing for divorce, but hasn't actually done it.
Funny thing is, I still manage all family finances and he still maintains the house. Family and friends are divided on chances of us reconciling.
I go back and forth between wanting resolution one way or the other and being patient while waiting for H to do something.
Advice, tips, support???