i caused the pain

[marie2235]

Bustorama has some good advice. I agree with you, didthehurt, that no matter the situation, you can not do that to your children. You can never put your kids in the middle, make them feel like they have to chose or say bad things about one another.. If you do, in the end, it will come back and bite you.

I understand how she feels. I undetstand being angry and hurt. It is a huge mistake on her part to make the kids suffer for her feelings. Believe me, I would love to tell my kids what a jerk thier father is, but, he IS thier father and they love him. I love him. I wish he was willing to do whatever it took for our marriage, like you are for yours.

I wish he knew how much he hurt me and how horrible I feel. He just doesn't care, though. The good thing is, you do. You know what you did and are trying. It's hard to know what to do or what to say.

I kind of think it may come down to setting her free. My friend gave me this advice:

"If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it is yours, if it doesn't, it never was."

Easier said than done, I know. But, I know that is my last resort right now. My husband is still having the affiar. Still doesn't care. The fact that she is a 20 year old kid with no job and no car adn depends on him for everying tells me a lot.

Good for his self esteem - he must think he is pretty hot stuff to have a 20 year old (even if she is ugly as anything - and she really is)He has got himself convinced that life would be so great with her. Never mind, he still has not admited anything. Sometimes he has let little things slip, but thats it.

Sorry...got lost a little there, didthehurt.

I wouldn't give up until you know, in your heart and soul, that you did everything possible, everything you could do, to save your marragie. At some point, it may get to be too much and you may need to move on. Definalty go out and do the things you enjoy doing. There is nothing worse then just stitting around waiting for soemthing to happen.

Have a great time with your son. From a mom's perspective, I would have him call her. Focus on your kids. I have heard this a million times on this site - We can only change ourselves. We have no control over anyone else.

Good luck.