You've passed through the next door in the emotional evolution of the LBS - barreling forward in doing what is right and not stopping. So don't be too worried about the queasy feeling; every time we take a step forward it is going to feel a bit scary. You will adjust and soon feel confident and serene again, especially if you continue to pray.
God won't screw you over. Know that. He is just as upset over the state of your R as you are. Hand your wife over to Him. If she decides to wake up, so be it. But don't expect it - some people just aren't willing to accept the grace that God offers.
You've taken a big step, and soon you will feel prepared for whatever way your situation falls. That's pretty much where I am now. I really don't want to get divorced, but I will face that challenge if it comes to that, and plow forward with God leading the way.
It's really good to here from you, Pigskin.
I pray often. I really try to turn it all over to God. I'm afraid I just don't know how. It is dropping the rope. Realizing I have no control over her. I want God to give me what I want; my M back better than it was before. I know God doesn't work that way. 'Thy will be done, not my will.' I know God won't screw me over.
I start thinking I am prepared and I have done things that I have been told to do. I then start second guessing myself and wonder if I have pushed her away for good. I know that what works is what is the hardest to do. I admit, I haven't really done anything that has worked so far. This feels so bad. I guess that means it will work the best.
