In your case there was a third party sabotaging the marriage... It's very difficult to make a marriage work when you have an outsider trying to drive it into a ditch...
In most cases this is an affair partner, but as you've already hinted by your screen name this can just as easily be an in law... in laws are one of the big problems of marriage
sex, money, in laws... there are a few more
I really don't like assigning blame, to my mind this is just bringing the business of blame culture into your home. This practice doen'st make a business run well, and it won't help a home either in my opinion.
Your H isnt' working with you NOW, that's a more important point to make
If you look at a marriage and its not working well looking into the past just promotes a climate of blame, I don't find that constructive... right NOW your H needs to man-up... The ball is in his court.
right NOW your H needs to man-up... The ball is in his court.
i felt like the 'h' in the relationship. and my h lacked a lot of the qualities that make a great guy.
he didn't lead. and that had me really bummed. he expected me to lead on everything. he just wanted to sit back and reap the benefits and take credit.
he's leading on the d process. omg. didn't read the laws on d. wanted to walk away with 80% .. and thought i was unfair and greedy for asking for 50%. i didn't even ask for spousal support or any other kind of support. just give me 50% of our assets and i'll go. he wants to fight me on the 50%. and claimed that i married him for his money.
then of course, his father gambles away his money and then turns around and asks for wedding money back. who exactly is the greedy here? is it really me?
basically i whined and i shouldn't have - it's unattractive and it drives people away. i absolutely hate it when i do that and i can't take it back. one step forward, and five steps back.
hit me with a 2x4. i deserve it. i should know better than that.
A healthy vent in a safe place is fine, I say! It would be different if you had a whiney mindset and were living your life that way but it certainly does not sound like that at all! Friends and support are necessary and that includes having a shoulder to lean on when needed. :-)
If you are venting LESS OFTEN per week NOW than you were a month ago that's a better way to measure progress.
oh for sure. it's just that i've vented about my h calling me 'greedy' and money hungry many times in the past that it came across as whiny.
i know why it bothers me so much but for those who don't know me would say that i'm whining about the name-calling.
Quote:
Go find some posts you made two or three months ago and compare to the last few weeks... Take a full sample
A single vent isn't a measure of success, failure, or really much of anything...
omg, 2-3 months ago i was a complete nut case. i needed serious therapy. i had this jekyll and hyde thing going on a weekly basis.
i'm so much better now. i haven't had a crazy post in a few months. but holy crap, it was so bad that it's embarrassing - it's even more embarrassing because it's posted on this board so it's public. if it wasn't for a few people on this board, i would have done some bad things to myself.
if you have time, you should read my latest post in 'separated'. it really shows where i am now. don't read the entire thread. it would take you until next sunday.
