Thought I stop in to tell y'all all about our first round of counseling with the solution based Reconciliation Ministries!
As you are aware, my h and I have been to counseling before...1 session at a therapist that was not solution based. Needless to say it didn't go well nor were there positive marital results.
This one was a different story. Not only will there be homework, healing of past issues, getting to know our REAL selves but the counselor's purpose is based on God's word. He actually said that the d word should no longer be used or even thought of because it is the wrong thing to do. We would not be any happier divorced. He looked at my h at one point telling him not to check out on the talk...cause at one point h was drifting off. The c said that it would be hard work to fix our m but it was doeable and worth it.
Oh, it was so good to hear it!
Though my h expressed his dislike at the amount of scripture the man used, he agreed to return because he really like how the c laid us out about our behavior. And he liked how it was solution oriented and not a pity party.
Some other highlights:
On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the highest:
1. My h gave his concern for me and love for me a 8/9 (I said I expected him to say 3) 2. My h gave his hope level for our marriage a 7/8. 3. H said he was very uncomfortable with another divorce that is why he agreed to a continuance. 4. h said that he doesn't expect our m to be fixed in 90 days but does think he can decide by January if it is going well. (Will need to define what's going well means. 5. Admitted that back in April (when he had dates with ow) that he was extremely tired of being separated and of us.
As for me I admitted to being without hope for me personally being able to do anything to save the m, but that all my hope was in God to fix it. C also stressed that the CHOICE to love was the decision that Jeff needed to make. Love is a commitment and one that we should show his boys how to do. Love is a promise that we made when we said I do. He said that my h should considered himself a Delta Force soldier in that it was his job to protect his family.
Overall the MC was very promising more so than the other since I felt like the C had a vision for our marriage being whole and happy. I felt that the c didn't single out either one of us but that he sought to really show each of us what our role was in the discord we have now. He even said it was a stupid move for me to file for a d just to manipulate my husband into doing what I wanted. Then he turned to h and said that he was hearing what I wanted from him but didn't know how to do it...and there in lay his choice to love or not. The c said h can do it...he just needs to decide to do it. The c also said that I need to understand that the things I want are especially hard for a man to do PERIOD and that I will not get immediate results (well duh said my h I told her that!!!) but that through the counseling, the c would show me how to get them without causing h to shut down!
I'm excited to finally have some help getting my h to understand the words that are coming out of my mouth!!!! And I can be a w that my h feels safe enough to open up with.
Oh, and my h showed up at my job today to take me to lunch!
