Sorry, Punkin. Poor H isn't getting his way, and is throwing a fit. Hold your ground, but protect yourself as best you can.
I suspect your L may suggest a compromise. You sign H's papers if he agrees to keep up your house payments, or if he signs your house over to you, something like that. If so, run the numbers and make sure you can live with it before agreeing.
Hang in there, P! You are a strong one!
M 65 H 64 T 39 & M 36 @ S 12/08 Two Ds
Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. ~ The Weather Man
These MLCers! Ya just don't know what they'll believe, perceive, or thieve. One just has to have a thick skin, stay away and leave all to the lawyers, IMHO. You can maybe handle things normally with a WAH, but a MLCer/PTSD sufferer; all bets are off.
Just look after yourself, and hopefully he'll get himself back one day.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Interesting question. Slept all right with a little help. Still sad about the situation, but there is nothing I can do about it.
It's his problem, his situation, and I just have to let him deal with it as he sees fit. I'll act if and when his actions effect me. If he stops making payments on the house, I have two courses of action. One, the Armed Svcs. Spousal Support Act, and two, filing for maintenence. Either he writes the check to the mtg. company, or to me so I can write the check.
He says so many things that make no sense whatsoever, and I can't ask him what he is talking about. I don't think he knows.
Sigh...I wish I had seen your email before it was sent...I see lots of potential fire power there to set off his keg o' dynomite!
But what is done is done...next time follow the 48 hr rule...sit on it...if he bugs you block phone calls and emails...don't answer the door!
There is nothing worse then a MCL'er than an angry one...
The email was factual...but to him it wasn't...he feels you should trust him (probably because he had been paying the bills), he doesn't like that you have friends that you take advice from (even most reasonable people don't like advice from friends that go contrary to what they are suggesting), he doesn't like the fact that you are thinking of all of his possible tricks and working around them...basically the entire email was a slap in the face to him...not that it isn't deserved but it doesn't create the needed response for you...that of leaving you alone in peace!
Had you kept stalling for the lawyer, yes he would get angry but you would have a deflection point...you didn't have the papers in your hand...he doesn't NEED to know you had YOUR mind made up already...what if the lawyer had come back with, "You can sign this but we need another agreement to ensure your living situation in the event of a default on your current home"...then there would be some negotiating...which he may or may not have agreed to but at least he couldn't say YOU DID IT TO HIM AGAIN!
Punkin...what's done is done...not judging you but just trying to help you see how things can be done to provide the same outcome with possible smoother path...
Don't let H provoke you into giving a reply...avoid making decisions with him pressuring you...and anytime your decision isn't going to be what he wants...deflect, deflect, deflect...get the lawyer to take the heat...
I hope he does find a new passion soon and not one of making your life more of a living nightmare then it already is.
imLIN said it all. Definitely wait that 48hrs before sending anything, or even making a phone call.
I think the best thing now is to go dark, avoid him at all costs, get the legal stuff re OW done, and sign nothing. As imLIN says, deflect to lawyer. You have 3 months to go until you get benefits you deserve and preserve in the chance that he might come back. Don't allow OW to profit from this. Not out of vengeance, but justice. If you had had to wait a year or so, then I would've had a different view. But, what's 3 months ... I doubt the D would go through in that amount of time.
Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
First off, I have never said I always wanted to…but I have to say that I like your spunk! I really do. Are you sure your not from NY? LOL
Seriously thought I have a question for you.
Quote:
Got through the entire meal without looking at him once.(in reference to your H)
Why didn’t you look at him and how did you feel afterwards? As for the why I would not be surprised if said something like…”I wanted to slap him” 
Quote:
This calm has me puzzled.
Can you say acceptance! Acceptance in that you know who you are and what YOU bring to the table.
P – I am sorry that you are going through a nightmare with your MLCer H. As hard as it can be you really need to limit any communication that you have with him. Leave it up to the L’s. Just do what is right and just, which is hard when they want to inflict a fair amount of pain, which is driven by their feeling of entitlement.
P, have a beer. Sit back and relax. Enjoy your grandkids. If your H contacts you via email don’t answer. If he contacts you via phone, don’t answer. If he knocks on the door don’t answer.
Right now he wants to get you to agree to something that is in HIS best interest. What you need to do is to find the balance between what your L says YOU are entitled to and what is truly fair and just. Do the right thing by your and do not worry about what he says or how he feels. You know he is broken and you know that YOU cannot fix him.
Now is the time to let the L’s sort it out. Often we try and push things or control them rather than let what is going to happen and happen. Sit back sweetie and just chill.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Okay guys, slap me with a 2 x 4. Today was another crazy day at work. Our office manager passed out at a school function last night and has been in ICU ever since. Had some sort of seizure. When she came to, she couldn't pronouce but one word at a time, and she's 46. We're short handed all way around, and H kept phoning and emailing me. Going from mad dog to sweet kitty. Offering me everything & nothing. I lost it with him and wrote him the following:
Look, you talk about not having a home to go to. You left the one you had of your own volition. Both our daughters are in pain and I have to help them, much less deal with my own. You ask me what I want in terms of settlement. Something I can't even think about now. Fine. Here's what I want. I want this divorce to go through on March 4th, 2011, the anniversery of the day you kicked me to the curb. I want this house quit-claimed to me for what is owed on it to Chase and 1/2 of the equity loan at USAA. i want the pain to go away. I want 1/2 your retirement. I want $300.00 week maintenence until I remarry. I want the pain to go away. I want to stay on your life insurance policy. I want the 05 Ford. I want the pain to go away. If this settlement is agreeable to you, I will sign your damn paper.
I calmed down when he finally quit harassing me, and know the best thing would have been to ignore him, so go ahead and let me have it.
