Anybody out there who can talk a minute?

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Have read DB not DR. Found it extremely helpful. Know if I can apply the principles, things will improve. A little background history re the current situation. This involves my daughter and "being a family". My 1st H left when my daughter was 1yo and had no contact with her until when she was 14 (and acting out) my therapist and I thought it might help her to find her dad. My daughter and I were living about 700 miles from where we'd lived when I was married to her dad but it turned out that of all the places in the world he could be, he was 30 miles from where we were living at the time. To make a long story short: My daughter utterly accepted him and he abandoned her again by telling her he was going to take her to see his family 500 miles in a different direction then called her, told her he'd had to cancel the trip, then she found out he went with a girlfriend. All that is to say that she had significant hurt when it came to "Dads". When my H and I first married my daughter asked me to ask my husband to adopt her. He said "no". Another big rejection. He has always been basically good to her but a rather distant because of leftovers from his abusive family. My daughter has had a few long term relationships with very needy men whom she supported financially. She is almost out of the last one. He was a live-in, 10 years younger than her, 10 years older than her daughter and predictably immature. It's taken 4 months for him to move out, get his stuff out, and the finances are not yet resolved and yet she is already smitten with someone else who sounds just as inappropriate for her. Meanwhile, my husband and I successfully survived a doozie of an affair, I can help folks here with that :), moved far, far away from my D and GD, I kept a close relationship with them and my H stayed involved, and we set up a living trust and agreed that my daughter would be the beneficiary. At that time the lawyer suggested that my H definitely legally adopt my D to minimize the legal red tape. My H agreed but we never got around to it. Finally, I got the papers and evidently D's hurt all flooded back and she said she wasn't sure if she wanted him to adopt her. She told my GD that "he'd had plenty of opportunity to be a dad" and hadn't. IMHO, what needs to happen here is that my H needs to tell her in no uncertain terms, privately, and in his own dear way, that he loves me, her and my GD and wants us to be a family. He says to me that this would make him very happy and I guess I believe him but he is very passive. I believe that conversation would go a long way in helping my D, our D, as my H likes to say, handle herself better with men. Yes, she is a grown-up, of course she will make all of her decisions. I have, OK :-o, renewed my vow to only give my opinion and advise when asked, but anyone who tells you that you ever stop parenting before the day you die is just plain mistaken. It changes, it changes a lot but there are ways to positively, helpfully parent at every stage of life. My, I have gone on a bit, haven't I. Thank you to every one who has read this! LRT Land, I love, love, love your signature saying. I feel exactly the same way. Piano, I'm very grateful for getting such a gentle, helpful reply so quickly. It helped so much!