I want to add one more thing here. Your W is about the same age as mine. My W said all the same things yours said, "I need to find myself" & "I've lost myself in this M" & "You've controlled me from being a person". Unfortunately, this is a typical cycle with women of this age. They are trying to grow up, and rebelling against the person they think has caused them not to be "able" to grow up. She blames you for it all, even if she doesn't say so - why else would she be leaving? She's immature, and needs to grow up. You can't do that for her.
I'd be careful generalizing this to a specific age group. My wife is 11 years older than this, and she's said the same exact phrases.
