It appears that I'm locked out of my old thread which is at "FIGHTING FOR M AND H". Now I start this new thread appropriately as still fighting for m & h. My h agreed to a 90 day continuance at our hearing on Nov 17th. He said we'll need to go to counseling. I'm praying like a fiend that he really means to save this m. He said that it does MEAN something because he could have told the judge he wanted to move on with his life but did not. I'm not sure I even know why he did it...only God knows.
Now I'm looking for advice on how to handle this situation. My h still wants to be intimate but being intimate with so far as resulted in no change in our r or change in his behavior. I'm thinking that NO SEX would be the way to go while we go to MC. I do think we should date, talk, build new r but leave sex out of it.
Anyone else got any ideas on how to handle this next 90 days? If I play off what he does, I'll be having sex because he is very adamant about that...says that we might as well get d if we ain't doing it! This last time he had me on the phone for 45 minutes giving me reason to have sex. None of the reasons were I love you, I want our m to work, I'm sorry, etc. His reasons were we've been doing it, we are m, I do it when you want it why can't you when I want it, etc.
Cindy - I have not posted much to your thread but I have been following it - as a man I might suggest that cutting out sex completly might just send the wrong signal - but then does it have to be an all or nothing thing. Might you just do some "heavy petting" like when you were back in High School? You do not have to go all the way, just do enough to keep him interested. You will likely know how much that will be, be it just some nice hugs and kisses or maybe more. But whatever the amount - you will be in control of how much. I think he will know what he will need to do to score a home run with you.
just my humble opinion. - Good luck for the next 3 months.
I'm sorry, LOL, but he sounds like a teenager trying to talk his girlfriend into having sex "if you really loved me blah, blah, blah"
Hold out and be strong. If this is really what YOU want to do or say yes and tell him you want to talk either after or before about your M for however long.
Cool idea...the getting to score a home run with me got me thinking that it would definitely get him to talk! He sure did talk up a store the other day when I said NO!!!
I'm so excited because I have located a solution based counselor! He's part of a non profit charity group called Reconciliation Ministries. He said the whole purpose is to keep us married! Counseling will focus on not the past but the future r. I'm so excited.
Yet I must 'sell' this to my h. The counselor recommended that I just tell him it is a 2-hour visit with no commitment. I'm really really going to have to pray about this! Pray my h will go.
The counselor said he's seen a lot of miracles happen in his office. He's sure that whatever my h and I are facing can be fixed because he's seen lots worse get saved. He said he is not concerned with $ but will take an offering but the whole point of his practice is to save marriages.
I'm so inspired and hopeful. Now God and my prayers will have to get h there!!!
Quote: The last time he had me on the phone for 45 minutes giving me reason to have sex. None of the reasons were I love you, I want our M to work, I'm sorry, etc.
Off the record Cindy, that raises a major, major red flag in my mind. I hope you have the strength to say no for your own sake let alone the M. Nothing of any substance will happen in the next 90 days unless you gain some measure of respect out of him. That appears to be sorely lacking, and much like trust, without respect, you really don't have anything concrete to build off of.
I plan for this time around to be different. I've got nothing to lose by saying no. I'll let him know about the counselor and if he chooses not to go then there is nothing to do but wait until the next hearing.
He is still the same selfish bastard he was when he moved out last year. I may just be barking up the wrong tree!!!
!!!