Could use some support

[john28]

You first need to find out if she is indeed having an A. Where is she living? What times does she work? Do you know where the first OM lived?

There are several different ways of handling an A. The first thing you need to do though is gather intel. If you have enough intel gathered to prove to her you know about the A, you then confront her with ALL the evidence at once, not piece by piece as you find it. Come to this forum with all the intel once you have gathered it, before you confront her.

After you expose the A to her, you ask her to go no contact (NC) with OM. You also suggest MC. I would suggest looking up a MC on http://www.marriagefriendlytherapists.com/ See some other threads in the infidelity forum about this.

If she refuses to go NC and MC (either), you proceed to expose the affair to everyone. But, please don't do this before you come to this board first and explain everything. Exposing the A to family, friends, coworkers, etc. is a big deal, and shouldn't be done without talking about it first here.


I want to add one more thing here. Your W is about the same age as mine. My W said all the same things yours said, "I need to find myself" & "I've lost myself in this M" & "You've controlled me from being a person". Unfortunately, this is a typical cycle with women of this age. They are trying to grow up, and rebelling against the person they think has caused them not to be "able" to grow up. She blames you for it all, even if she doesn't say so - why else would she be leaving? She's immature, and needs to grow up. You can't do that for her.