D4L, You really are getting quite good. Very insightful about your own sitch too!!
i learned a lot from you.
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We are here because of SOME kind of shortcoming. If we recognize it, embrace it, and learn from it, we will DEFINITELY be empowered by it, and we may, just may, win back a new R.
i have my fingers and toes crossed for both of us. but yes, i agree that it was hard to take a look in the mirror.
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Most people do not appreciate a doormat forever. This is how he came to see me as not really a person. Because I hid my human emotions and desires and fears. I should have learned to communicate that stuff. I have a LOT to learn in that area....
this is why he saw you as 'non human'. i can see that now. i actually suffered from the same thing .. i spent too much time on 'action' that i didn't use words to state things like boundaries. boundaries can't always be modelled with action. they have to be stated with words. and i did less talking and more action. it's a balancing act that was lopsided in my m.
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Modeling an emotion that they lack is another powerful tool. I am sure you did a LOT of good in your R because you modeled some very positive things to your H. You did a LOT right you know.lol.
i focused too much on this. i didn't communicate with words where i needed to.
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I got things wrong--I really did. I tried to be his mother in some ways, but he didn't marry his mother, he married me. I should have been paying attention to what HE wanted and needed.
I am very guilty of not really knowing my H and assuming things about what he is and what he wants.
Sound familiar??
VERY. i'm starting to realize that i have to play the game intelligently and not emotionally.
thanks for explaining things so clearly to me. it helps me see where i have gone wrong in my own sitch.
