Thanks dday, I'm confused though. Isn't this my problem to deal with? I don't know how to share this with him without making him feel like I think he's responsible for helping me resolve my insecurities.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
I'm confused though. Isn't this my problem to deal with?
Since it effecting your relationship with him, no, it isn't all yours to deal with. And maybe he can help pinpoint exactly why it is you feel the way you do, or are acting out the way you are.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Ohhhh... I don't know. I just don't know. I get what you're saying and I really appreciate the encouragement. Thanks so much. It's just - we've been here before. The more I think about it, the more I think we've had this discussion. And I still feel this way. So I feel really down; like I've failed at this again and I can't keep laying the same problem at his feet. And frankly, I'm just tired of talking about my stupid failings with him. He never talks about his with me. So I fear it just reinforces his old view that I caused all the problems in our M. So I just want to lay low for a while. He's very busy this week, so we won't have a lot of time together anyways; if I keep my sharp tongue in check he likely won't even notice. I do appreciate your concern and time though, dday. Thanks again and take care.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
FMV, Are you learning any good ideas or skills in your self-help books? Are you putting effort into practicing them? You seem to be hard on yourself these past several posts. What are you expecting of yourself? Are you giving yourself enough latitiude to climb the learning curve?
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Hi CL, thanks for checking in on me. I seem to have slipped a little on my reading in the last week. Just feel kind of discouraged, insecure, unmotivated... I don't know. I don't even know what I'm expecting of myself. It's just this stupid old feeling of wanting to run and hide; to be by myself and not have to face anyone, to not have to keep being brave or face any challenges, overcome any weaknesses. It's odd. Just when I feel I'm at my weakest, all these situations and people that I've always had a hard time dealing with in my life (but that I've been able to avoid) keep coming up. Sorry, I'm babbling. Anyways, thanks again for checking in on me; I really appreciate it.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
It's just this stupid old feeling of wanting to run and hide; to be by myself and not have to face anyone, to not have to keep being brave or face any challenges, overcome any weaknesses. It's odd. Just when I feel I'm at my weakest, all these situations and people that I've always had a hard time dealing with in my life (but that I've been able to avoid) keep coming up.
I'm finding that (for me anyway) this is like a "post independance syndrome" if you will. For a while there, during the seperation, everything you did was for yourself and didn't really effect anyone else. Kind of got liberating for while, no? So, now that is taken away again and you have to factor someone else back in the equation and I'm finding it a bit frustratiing. At the same time, I'm also finding it frustrating because not being able to do what I want when I want, is 100% anti-GAL'ing. Don't know if that makes any sense.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
[/quote] I'm finding that (for me anyway) this is like a "post independance syndrome" if you will....Don't know if that makes any sense.
Makes complete sense to me, actually. I think we often can forget that any change - even good change - is stressful and requires time and adjustment. Treat yourself well, be patient with yourself and forgive yourself the flubs. That's all you can do.
OH! PS - I didn't actually physically leave our M. My brain did, but my body didn't follow. So I'm not sure it applies to me, but I'm so glad you're processing it and seeing what's going on for you. It does sound frustrating!!
And now, I'm sorry - I need to switch gears and get this out while I'm thinking about it. As I've sat and wallowed for the last few days I've seen a few things that have been happening over the last weeks that I think are causing my mood. Old patterns again. Not good. I seem to have (yet again) to get into this 'fog' of accommodating, not thinking about what I want, not GAL, so scared to rock the boat again after we connected during our holidays.
And then I wake up and realize - he hasn't initiated anything intimate for 6 weeks; he's been completely gone/off doing his 'thing' last two weekends in a row.... and I'm beginning to pull away again. If I'm going be alone, I might as well 'be alone'. Oh I wish my IC would come back from her holidays.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
hasn't initiated anything intimate for 6 weeks; he's been completely gone/off doing his 'thing' last two weekends in a row
Make weekend plans for yourself, and if he wants to come, then fine.
You know what I did all by my lonesome last weekend? I went to Jackson, TN and visited the "Casey Jones" Museum (and his home), and then shopped at the tourist trap stores, and then I ate Southern food at the "General Store" restaurant/buffet.
I also visited Chicasaw State Park, and that is beautiful (will be going back there at some point).
I also discovered there's a drive through safari like thing about 17 miles from there that I have to visit (dogs can't come as no pets are allowed).
This weekend, I am thinking of driving up to Brownsville where this crazy guy has been building a metal scupture for over 15 years that is over 80 ft high (Billy Trip's "Mindfield"), and then visiting some of those small towns, maybe find a nice place to eat, and who knows? There's a county fair up in Union City right now. I could go totally bonkers and drive up to that
Last edited by TimeHeals; 08/17/1002:07 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Make weekend plans for yourself, and if he wants to come, then fine.
Yes, I think you're right Time. I guess I was being a marshmallow again, thinking that I should 'be there' for if & when he finally decided to spend time with me. I worried that - oh my god if I'm not around when he finally decides to grace me with his presence, then when on earth are we ever going to spend enough time together to continue reconnecting.
Listen to me. Seems ridiculous when I see it written out like that. I guess the point though, isn't to be vindictive. Just to get a bloody life of my own right?
Love your weekend plans - maybe the pups and I will go on a field trip ourselves. Granted I don't think we have anything quite so exciting as crazy guys building giant sculptures! But I'm sure that I could find something equally entertaining... I think there's a giant easter egg or something around here...
Thanks for giving me a smile Time.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Listen to me. Seems ridiculous when I see it written out like that. I guess the point though, isn't to be vindictive. Just to get a bloody life of my own right?