I'm having a difficult day today. For the past 10 days or so H and I have been talking much more than usual, on more personal topics and more indepth. I have been trying to GAL and using validation in conversations, and I've made an effort to open up about things I would normally just keep to myself. I really feel us connecting. He started mentioning "when you come here" throughout the conversations. It's been getting better and better.
Today - I don't know. Maybe we're hitting the curve. Maybe I'm just having a bad day.
Last night H asked about my day and I told him what I did - it wasn't much, just a relaxing day and he said it sounded great. And that when we live together, just to have dinner, watch a movie together, fall asleep - that sounds like a great day to him. Everything inside me screamed a question of why can't we just live together then?? I didn't get into that topic though because I just couldn't find anything non-desperate to say.
Similarly today, he had a good day at work, for the first time in a long time. But then he said he came home and just wasn't completely happy. I said that I'd like to make him laugh and just do something silly and relaxing and he said that it would be nice.. then we got on a different topic. I just feel teased (though I din't think he's doing it on purpose). If he feels that way, why are we still on different continents?
Maybe I'm just out of patience today. I know it hasn't been that long but it's like we've been doing so well but it's not getting us anywhere. I don't know whether to try to push through it with a happy face or just back off for a while? Me not being open was one of our problems and I've been working on 180 there so I don't want to stop the good work I've been doing there. But I can't really be completely open and tell him what bothers me because that would be the worst kind of pursuing. I'm just running in circles, can someone give me an objective look at the situation?
Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you
