Beyond Depression..but still a losing battle?

[Lucky11too]

I just can't seem to catch a break right now! Everything has been non stop! Friday night, I hung out with one of my girl friends. Saturday morning, we took S's 2 year old pics (came out super cute and he was surprisingly well behaved!). Then I rushed home to finish painting S's room, while my mom took S over to my sisters to play. The room totally came out awesome. I painted one wall this royal blue color and I'm going to make a Disney Cars theme mural on it. (I'll do the decals in 2 weeks when the paint fully hardens). The rest of the day, S was super clingy to me and wouldn't let me go for anything! Sunday morning, I found out why. S got sick! =( We just kind of cuddled for most of the day and watch some movies. By the evening tho, he seemed back to his old self, and was running around again. This work week has already been off to a rough start. I'm leaving on Thursday to fly up to my grandma's for a few days. She is 90 and S is her only great grand child, so I wanted to make sure I got up there to see her. This will be S's first plane right, so we'll see how it goes (luckily it is only a 1.5 hour flight). But anyways, for me, trying to get a weeks worth of work done in 3 days, plus spending half my day training the new girl, has been very challenging. It was a late night last night here at work and I expect another late one tonight. So like I said, it's been nonstop. I think I really need this time at my grandma's just to slow down!

On the H front, it's been rather quiet, but I'm not sure that's a good thing or not. He didn't contact me at all on Friday, so now we are going on what...3-4 weekends not hanging out anymore? Saturday didn't hear from him until night when he asked how S was doing and said he would try to come see him on Sunday. Sunday morning comes and I text him to let him know that S had thrown up, but no response until late afternoon, when he says he just woke up. I was annoyed b/c he didn't even respond to the fact that S was sick or ask how he was doing now. While S was napping, I ran over to Costco. Later that night, H texts me "find anything good at Costco?" What??? How did he know. I was all annoyed but I didn't want to give him that satisfaction, so I just said yest and asked about his day. He said that he had come down here to sign docs, so I called him to find out what was happening with the new bar. We ended up talking for like 30 mins. During which time I also found out that when he had come down to sign docs, he had come over to my house and called, but my mom told him I was gone at Costco. Mystery solved! So I guess the new place looks like it's all moving forward again, so that's good news for H. He also seems to be in a pretty low spot still. He keeps talking about how awful he feels all the time and how something just seems off. His back has been so sore that the dr prescribed him muscle relaxers but he said that those are causing him to sleep all the time. I tried to give him a word of encouragement that hopefully he can get some answers/direction from the sleep study tomorrow night. All I have to say is that he better do something and something soon, b/c I'm just over it all. This distance is pushing us farther and farther apart, but I can't push our R like i was before. I was thinking about that this morning how H asked that I be there for him and how he needed me to show him that I wanted him, so I did all that and was there and supportive thru it all and he still pursued another OW...so where's my motivation to keep doing that? Yeah, absolutely none. So yeah, patience is growing thin, so I hope he follows thru on "fixing" himself, b/c that's all the hope we have!