Not sure where to start, or end. WAW?

[john28]

Thanks guys. I needed to hear:

You might want to start caring. The next one might be the right man for her. And where will that leave you?

That hit home, and it hurt to read.

The more I think about us, the more I get angry at how immature she is. She is never willing to discuss sensitive or important subjects calmly, or even without throwing blame. Take the phone situation yesterday. Within the first two sentences of me asking what was going on, she had already blamed me for what happened. She managed to turn a situation around on me and make me feel STUPID for even bringing it up. And then, I apologized! What in the heck! When I stand up to her - you guys are right - I'm seen as Mr. Controlling... no matter how I spin it.

I'm tired of being made to feel like everything is my fault all the time. It's not. I'm tired of playing the blame game. It serves no more purpose. Yet, with everything she plays it, and makes me feel terrible about even standing up for myself and calling her out on her crap.

Steve, you're right about the precedence that I've set. The situation with her mother and cancer was something I did not find out was a lie until after we were married. I don't harbor anger or resentment - it's just not in my nature. But the fact that I let things go gives her "permission" to do more of the same. Then, after a while, we have a M like this. Where she keeps doing things to walk on me, and when I finally stand up to her and tell her she's not going to do XYZ, I'm controlling. Or when we have a M like this and I try to save it, I'm controlling.

I'm just tired. I'm tired of trying to see if she will grow up, and helping her in that process - sometimes in a way that is "controlling" by her standards. I'm not discounting that she feels that way, in fact I know she feels controlled. But, her motivation to feeling that way is crap in my opinion.

However, I can change that. I can just stop it all - drop the rope, GAL. That's my next step after tomorrow if there is no change after MC. I don't think I have a choice anymore.

My thing is - she has said that I am controlling her, making her stay in the house, making her go to MC, whatever. I'm not MAKING her do anything. I've told her - "I'm not keeping you here. You can leave at any time and there is nothing I can do to stop you." Yet, she stays. Why? Some part of her knows that it's wrong to just leave. But why? Because somewhere in her is a conscience that is telling her that she needs to make this work, and that given the right tools we could be happy together. We don't hate each other. We still laugh and love each other to this day. She said so herself in the letter to the MC that she isn't sure about her feelings of wanting to leave.

It's just all so frustrating because of my young bride. Her best GF who is older (young 30's) sees that she is going through the same things that she went through at her age, but she is helpless to help her through them because my W thinks that she is against her in this situation. Alas, again she won't grow up.