D4L, You really are getting quite good. Very insightful about your own sitch too!!
We are here because of SOME kind of shortcoming. If we recognize it, embrace it, and learn from it, we will DEFINITELY be empowered by it, and we may, just may, win back a new R.
In my R with my H, I have been a scared person. Whether or not I should have been is debatable. I could have done a lot of things. What I chose to do is be silent in my R and try to completely accomodate my H and hope he would "appreciate" me.
Most people do not appreciate a doormat forever. This is how he came to see me as not really a person. Because I hid my human emotions and desires and fears. I should have learned to communicate that stuff. I have a LOT to learn in that area....
I have learned so, so much here--even this second time. You must MUST have boundaries and communicate them clearly. You must have "truth darts" about things that are issues in your R. You can get someone to grow a tremendous amount by knowing a "truth" about them or you and communicating it over and over.
Modeling an emotion that they lack is another powerful tool. I am sure you did a LOT of good in your R because you modeled some very positive things to your H. You did a LOT right you know.lol.
I know my H's LL--so, so powerful. I learned that the first time.
I am a big fan of men now--they used to scare me with their strange ways. But they are much more simple than women, and for the most part, more forgiving. I have a lot of compassion for the things they struggle with--my H is ULTRA responsible--so much so that it cripples him!! I should have taken over and been stronger--he had to take care of the doormat (me) and my S and I SHOULD have been much, much stronger.
I got things wrong--I really did. I tried to be his mother in some ways, but he didn't marry his mother, he married me. I should have been paying attention to what HE wanted and needed.
I am very guilty of not really knowing my H and assuming things about what he is and what he wants.
