The sooner you reject her the sooner she is going to have to grow up and realize if she loves you and can treat you decently as a wife, or go, find who she is, and grow up.
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- She says, "I know you are a good man. I just don't know if you're the right man for me."
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She said that while the EA was still going on in the beginning after bomb day, if that makes sense. Hasn't said that since.
Bomb day was Father's Day. That was only a few weeks ago. And still there are secrets and passwords and you don't really know who she is talking to. And it doesn't read like she is even a bit remorseful. And you can't have sex with her even though you are shaving her. Now you are "Dad" ?
There is a great big world out there. John. If she is out there exploring it. You really should too. You might realize who you are. Who you are becoming and why getting out of a bad situation like this quickly is better in the long run for you.
Gucci and Rob have some great speeches. I am more for saying little and making riddles. Find your "jealousy button" or better yet find yourself someone that thinks you are the right man for them. Enjoy their company for a while. It will open both yours and her's eyes.
Steve, I've always admired your brutal honesty, and I continue to welcome it.
Truth be told, you may be right. There might be another person out there that treats me better and is right for me, enjoys being my wife, appreciates all the little things I do, and everything is. I can sit here and fantasize about that all day, but only true character is built in the face of extreme challenges. I love my wife, and I love my son, and be damned if I'm going to put my own potential or even probable wants and needs above my son's. Regardless of our situation and past, we have the ability to make this work, and I'm not going to run from that.
Sure, rejecting her might be the best thing for me right now. I see that. It would probably be the easiest mentally as well... just go and detach, shut down, and go on with my life. It's a probability that I'd end up being the WAS myself if I did that. Sure, I could do that. But would that serve my family's purpose? Would that serve my wedding vows that I hold close to my integrity? Probably not.
She is remourseful in some ways. But, she is also resentful. Those two combinations don't work I think. I agree, she should be more remourseful and forthcoming with her feelings, but she's not. I can't change that. On that same vein, I'm confident at this point she isn't going behind my back to see or talk to OM. The last time she talked to OM was nearly 6 weeks ago.
I'm not defending her, but I'm trying to understand her. I'm trying to LISTEN for once in my life.
Tonight she has been calling me "darling" and "baby" and being sweet to me.
I'm convinced she's bipolar. No way around that. She goes from almost HATING me at 5:00pm and calling me "Dad" to saying, "Oh darling, thanks for the icecream, why are you so sweet to me (smile)" only 5 hours later.
Last edited by john28; 08/17/1003:26 AM.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
Word of warning I got from my friend tonight. While pushing the jealousy button has some merit and I was all for doing that this weekend, you still do not want to jeopardize any child custody or hearing ruling. I am backing off my invitation until I make sure the legal stuff is done. The risk is greater than the gain. After the D, then the gain will be greater than the risk. Just think this one through.
Me 44, W 39, S 6, D 6, M 21 Bomb June 18, 2010 I filed D July 20, 2010 W filed counter suit Aug 2 Rings came off Aug 5, 2010
Word of warning I got from my friend tonight. While pushing the jealousy button has some merit and I was all for doing that this weekend, you still do not want to jeopardize any child custody or hearing ruling. I am backing off my invitation until I make sure the legal stuff is done. The risk is greater than the gain. After the D, then the gain will be greater than the risk. Just think this one through.
what you will find just as often is the wife shows up in court with the new live in boyfriend and they are granted custody because they can prove a more stable household. depends on your lawyer bubba.
I'm convinced she's bipolar. No way around that. She goes from almost HATING me at 5:00pm and calling me "Dad" to saying, "Oh darling, thanks for the icecream, why are you so sweet to me (smile)" only 5 hours later.
Because she was wrong and you apologized then came bearing gifts.
How did Petruchio say it:
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Say that she rail, why then I'll tell her plain She sings as sweetly as a nightingale. Say that she frown, I'll say that she looks as clear As morning roses newly washed with dew. Say she be mute and will not speak a word, Then I'll commend her volubility And say she uttereth piercing eloquence.
Mick Jagger sang, "Under my thumb." How did you answer her "sweetness" question?
"Because it is easier to label a repeat adulteress as bipolar then to face the reality that she is a repeat adulteress and ice cream will cool things off" or maybe "because I want to make things work out and gifts will show you how much I love you and wrong I was" ?
Being called "Darling" and "Baby" proved what? That you are her puppet? Sir, there is a method to turning this around. Hanging on a string is not it.
What purpose would "letting her go" serve?
It will prove to her that you will not "tolerate this crap behavior." Obviously, she didnt believe you when you said that and you wrote you "let it drop" so obviously you didn't mean it.
It will force her to realize you are her husband not her father and that there is a different level of respect and behavior she needs to have for you. Hiding boy friends and testing your boundaries is something a daughter does. Not a wife.
It will make her realize you are not automatically hers by default to use and abuse and puppeteer. When she lied to you about her mother dying and having cancer and you didnt walk away from that nonsense you set precedence that she can do and say what she wants and you will let it go. Look how that got out of hand?
It will make her take notice that you do hold your wedding vows close to your integrity. What did you say anyhow? What did she say? Anything about not lyin' nor cheatin' or drinkin' with other men?
As brutal as this sounds John, there is a reason I am writing this to you. The first one, she said "I love you" too. The second one, she met up with. The third one, she met on some video chat program where people flash their goods at eachother. The fourth one, you say, "Don't know or care how many" about. You might want to start caring. The next one might be the right man for her. And where will that leave you?
It will give you some time to start thinking about yourself as an individual that has self-respect, and confidence, and swagger to lead.
I don't think you have it in you to be the "WAS" not from what and the way you write at least. But it is a good tought. You can read, on this site, how well it works to turn lousy spouse around.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
